I'll love you no matter what? Yeah, try again
by berryblue96
Summary: Love is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing that people change. Now add four kids, someone who betrayed you, and you have my life-in a way.
1. Flashback

_ok, so this isn't my 1st story, but i think it's my best. the other's are-in my opinion-not that great. feel free to read them though! :D anyhow here's a basic summary:_

_Once again their love is tested. But this time, nothing is as it seems. After Clary becomes pregnant and Jace doesn't want it, she leaves. Two years later, what happens when our favorite angel children meet up once again. And what's this about 4 children?_

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><p>"Love is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing that people change."<p>

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><p>I use to believe that love could overcome anything. Death, secrets, truths...But it can't. When it comes down to it, you're all alone in this world. At least, that's how it is for me.<p>

"Jace, you give me an answer right now. No, you _pick_ right now what you're going to do."

"We're too young Clary. Hell, you're just 17!"

That was all I needed to hear. "Good-bye Jace. Just remember that you chose this. But don't worry, I'm not going to bother you anymore. Forget I ever even existed. That's what I'm doing." I turned from him and began to walk towards the stairs.

His voice followed me. It was full of clarity, sarcasm, and confidence. With just the slightest hint of uncertainty and cocky-ness. "You won't leave. You have no where to stay. And you love me too much to do something like that to me."

I just walked up the stairs and directly to my room. I locked the door, but no rune. Why should I when I'd just be leaving threw a portal? I packed just a duffel bag and a book bag full of clothes and other essentials that I'd need. Right before I was about to leave, I wrote Jace a note.

_ Dear Jace,_

_I have to say this. As much as I want to just leave, I can't _

_before I tell you this. I'm not the same girl you met at _

_Pandemonium. I'm stronger and wiser than I was back_

_then. And I am leaving. All because you chose it. _

_Yes, __I told you to chose, and I might've just killed my heart, _

_but at least I'm free now. I'll find a place to live. Somewhere _

_far away from New York. From all the reminders that no one_

_really cares about me:loves me. So now, this note's come to _

_an end, just like us._

_ And I only have a few more things to tell __you. Don't try_

_ to find me. Even if you think you want to see me again, _

_ you'll never find me. Because, in all honesty, you're the _

_one who made me leave. _

_By the way, I get to finally be the one who gets_

_ to tell you that you're wrong. I'm leaving and not coming_

_back. I love you-some how, unbelievably I still do with all my _

_abused and broken heart-but it doesn't change a thing. And as_

_much as I want to be able to forget about you-like you'll most _

_likely do about me-I can't. _

_You're not the one who'll have to tell their child_

_that their other parent doesn't want you. That wanted to _

_ have you aborted. But when my child gets older and asks me about _

_where their father is, I just pray to Raziel that I have the strength _

_to tell them the truth. _

_Look at me. I'm rambling. And I wanted this to be a _

_ quick note and it's turned into a letter. Good-bye Jace. Hope you _

_enjoy the rest of your life. _

_You know what? Fuck this. I might love you to _

_ death, but fuck you! You're nothing more than a bastard! You _

_got me pregnant, and you wanted me to kill my baby! You don't love_

_me! You would've at least been here for me! It's your child too you _

_dammed ass! How could you even think about hurting it! _

_For that alone,_

_I think I hate you. _

_No, a part of my heart will hate you because of that. Fuck._

_ You. Jace Herondale-Lightwood! Or what ever you're calling your-_

_self! You've hurt me, made me cry, and so much more! And now I get to _

_find someone else who will love me in all the ways you refused to! Someone_

_I'll be about to want to marry like I thought I did you! Have a nice life you!_

_Hope you never think of me again and I never see you cause Angel help you _

_if I ever do! Enjoy being alone and never seeing me again!_

_ Clarissa _

By now, I was in angry tears again. _Looks like you've made me cry once again Jace._ I wiped my tears away and took off the chain that I had the Morgenstern on. I set it on top of the letter and left them on my dresser. But I saw something on my night stand.

My legs moved towards the photo frame I had. It use to be one of my prized possessions. Now, it was just a jagged shard in my chest from what use to be my heart.

Taken just a month ago, a picture of Jace and I was on the left. His arms were wrapped around me in a loving embrace. Izzy had taken that on one of the "training" trips to the park. We had actually just went to relax. Izz and Simon went on their separate way, Alec and Magnus to his house.

That was the day before I found out that I was pregnant. That was the last day of true happiness . Like the end of all that I'd come to love and cherish.

On the right was a picture of all of us at the park. Yeah, we had spent a lot of time there. Magnus had used his magic to set the camera to go off. From left to right was Magnus with his arms around Alec, giving him a kiss on the cheek-Alec's face red, but smiling. Then mom and Luke in a similar pose. Simon and Jace both had their arm around me-Si my shoulders, Jace my waist. Izzy and Mia were back to back acting like they were getting ready to shoot someone. Finally, Maryse and Robert were simply smiling. Ever since they got divorsed, they've just been acting like everythings cool between the two of them around the kids.

We were all so happy back then.

Finally, the last picture-the one in the middle-was of Jace. I had actually had to of him in that one frame. The top one was of him smiling. I remember secretly taking that picture, telling him that I was just deleting old picture.

The bottom half was of him sleeping. The only time his face was ever peacful was when he slept. Like an angel. And I was the reason that particular night that he was happy. The ironic part in that night? Yep. The night that I became pregnant.

I took out all the pictures except for the one with his arms around me and placed them in my duffel bag. Then, staring at the last picture in the frame, rage took over me. And with a scream, I threw it at the wall with all the strength I had. Unfortunately, it hit my window and busted threw.

With a deep breath, I whispered, "Hope you all have a good one. I'm gone." I drew on the wall and made my rune just as Izzy knocked on my door saying, "Clary? I heard something break. Are you OK?" I froze for just a second, trying to commit this to memory.

She tried opening the door. "Clary, open the door. Answer me. Clary!" And for just a second, I began to question everything. Was leaving without telling anyone really the best thing for me to do? Was hurting the ones that didn't know why I was leaving worth it?

"Clary! Alec! Jace! Dammit get up here and open Clary's door!" As I heard footsteps, I answered my questions. Yes, it was worth it. I was giving my child what it needed. Love. Protection. Possibly a family if I could find someone to take me in.

So when they began to ram my door and yell, I left. There was no turning back. All I had to start my new life was a duffel bag, a book bag, and my baby.


	2. Memories and Midnight Calls

_hello there again! now, because all my lovely readers have made me so happy, I've written the next chapter! AAAAND, if i get atleast 5 reviews for this chapter, i _might _just write the 3rd one and post it! now, this one kinda jumps around, and if you're inclear on anything, just ask ans I'll answer any questions you have. Crap, rambling here. enjoy!_

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><p><strong>"Here's to the<strong>** men we love, here's to the men that love us... Since the men that we love, aren't the men that love us ... screw the men... here's to us."**

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><p><em>Two Years Later...<em>

That last day of my old life played threw my head a million times. And somehow, here I am still. I'm still alive, and I've moved on.

So here I am, staring in at my 4 beautiful children tonight, like I do whenever I can't sleep. Nights like this come a few times a week.

I have two boys and two girls. Elliot Nickolas Fray was my first born. Simon Quin Fray was the second-oldest. They were just like mini Jace's. Almost everything about them reminded me of their father. The only differences are that their hair was a red blond and eyes a golden green .

Then there's Melody Grace Fray. She was the third-oldest. And, like her brother's, she looked just like one of her parents. This time, it was me. Only her face and personality though, were similar to my own. Her hair and eyes were the exact copy of her brothers.

Lastly, there's Lillian Adreona Fray. Now, she's not my biological daughter. You see, she's my best friends Adreona's daughter. But she died giving birth to her. So, by her wishes, I became Lilly's godmother and the one with custody of her. Her father left Adery when she told him she was pregnant. All I know about him is his name and what he looks like from a picture.

My triplets will be turning 2 next month, Lilly will turn 1 in two months.

It's nice to be able to celebrate their birthdays knowing people actually care about them. See, no one from my old life has even tried to find me. Not even the ones who didn't know that I was pregnant when I left. It's what I wanted, but...it'd be nice to know that they cared.

The only ones that didn't know were Izzy, Alec, and their mother Mayrse. I don't have anything against them, I just didn't have the change to tell them. Plus, why make more people hare me?

I think the only one's who supported me was Simon and Robert-Izzy's and Alec's father. Robert supported my disicion to keep the baby-at the time, I thought it was one. He was the one I talked to most about my situation with Jace. And since he lived in Idris, he told me that if I had disided to leave the others, go to him and he'd help me find a place to stay.

So that had been the first place I had went. He wasn't too surprised to see me that day either. I told him all about what had happened and he fire-messaged some of his old childhood friends and asked them if I could stay with them. Of course though, he told them about me being pregnant.

Surprisingly, they didn't care. They said any friend of Roberts was welcome to stay with them. So, after that, I went to the Clave and asked them for one request. Just not to tell anyone where I was and to let me go by another name. It was the least they could do for me saving everyone when my father was threatening the world.

Speaking of parents, when my mom found out, she yelled at me. She cursed at me too, calling me all kinds of horrid things. Luke just looked at me with disappointment pouring out of his eyes. I was just glad that I didn't live with them then. Did I mention that she even tried to punch me in my stomach? Yeah, she did. The bitch tried to kill my baby. To this day, I still don't forgive her. If it hadn't been for Luke's speed, she would've killed my baby.

Right after that, I had ran to Simon's house and cried to him. He held me and told me that everything would be OK. He'd been there for me when no one else was. When I had no one. Simon...

I missed him like crazy. I had even named one of my son's after him. He's like my brother, my best friend. The only on I could always count on. And I had just left him without a word. _Bet he hates me now too. I deserve it._ That's another reason why I hate myself.

He deserves to at least know what happened to me. I'd wanted to call him ever since I had left, but I was just too scared of his reaction. _Quit being a chicken Clary! Call him and tell him everything! It's the least you can do after all that he's done for you._

So that's what I decide to do. Silently and ninja like, I leave my kid's room and go to mine right across the hall. I flop on my bed and pick up my cell phone, just staring at it, deciding.

Finally, I dial his old cell number. Hopefully he still has it, because I'll have to try his home number if he didn't. And I _really _didn't feel like talking to his mom.

One ring. _He still has it! _Two rings. _Maybe he's not going to answer if because he doesn't recognize the number..._ Three rin- "Hello?"


	3. ClaryRowena?

_so, i need you all to do me a favor. do you want me to update short chaters every few days, or write longer chapters about once a week? it's all up to you. _

_oh! and i have a bonus for you all! so, answer one question correctly and you have the chance to have a character that **you **created in here! but i dont' want to have all these answers all at once. so i'll post the question as a chapter and review/answer it first and correctly. i'll PM u if you're right! and the question will be posted either later today, tomorrow, or Wed. night-it's tues morning here. _

_have fun! love you all! _

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

**One ring. **_**He still has it! **_**Two rings. **_**Maybe he's not going to answer if because he doesn't recognize the number...**_** Three rin- "Hello?" **

Oh, my god. He sounded exactly the same. Tired, irritated, and annoyed, but the same.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

I knew he'd hang up if I didn't speak soon, so I took a deep breath and said, "I-is this Simon Lewis?"

Duh stupid! "Yeah, who's this? And why are you calling me at...four in the morning?" Was it? I actually didn't

know. Another deep breath and, "I-I'm sorry. I just...needed to hear your voice I guess." _That_ _didn't_ _sound_

_creeper_ _at_ _all_, _you_ idiot_! _

He snorted. "Hear my-Who the hell is this? And why the hell do you have my number? Tell me or I'm hanging up."

So, in my need to talk to him, I nearly yelled, "It's Clary! Don't hang up!" He gasps and it's all quiet.

Neither of us speak for a few minuets, and it's as if I can't. Then, I whisper, "Y-you still there Simon?" He was

trying to catch his breath as he whispered in reply, "C-C-Clary? I-is it really you?" "Yeah, the one and only. I'm _so _

sorry that I haven't called you." And I was. Immensely so.

"How-Why-I mean...Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" The hut in his voice just poured out, and my heart

squeezed in pain. _You're the one who caused that Clary. You hurt you're best friend all because you didn't talk to him. _

"Because...I just had to get away. I didn't really want to leave you, but I just...I _had_ to get away from him. I'm so

sorry Si. I won't be surprised if you hate me like everyone else does." I deserved his hate. He was the only one

that I truly did hurt.

In a way, I _wanted_ him to yell at me, hate me. I even half expected it. What I didn't though, was what he said

next after a sigh. "Miss you terribly, not hate. Never hate Clare-Bear. You should know that by now. I can't even

tell you how worried I've been about you. And the baby. Where are you staying? Did you have a boy or a girl? Do

you still go hunting? Have you-" I cut him off laughing.

"Simon! Chill it with the questions for a sec! Look, there's a lot to yell you. And I can't answer all of your

questions yet, but here it goes." I take a deep breath and continue. "I'm staying at an Institute in West Virginia.

And I _do_ still hunt-duh! I'm a Shadow-hunter still. I spent too much time training not to be! But I mostly just go on

the weekends cause there's just too much to do during the week. Man Si, I don't think I could even begin to tell

you everything right now." How could I?

That's when he gasps and I can almost see the light bulb go off in his head as he said, "I'm a genius! I can come

over to you and visit!" I gasped too. Could he? Would he be aloud? Was it safe? Wait, he can't even- "Simon,

you can't even come into an Institute, remember? You're a vampire." It was a known fact that Downworlders

couldn't enter the Institute.

"But I can now! You're mark combined with the angel blood finally lets me! I've been able to for little over a year

now." Now_ I_ gasped. "Oh my god Simon! I don't believe it! That's fantastic! That's it! As soon as Mike gets up, I'm

asking him if you can come over!" I get my friend back!

His breath hitched for a moment, worried. "Uh, Clary, who's Mike?" "Oh! That's right, you don't know him. He

run's the Institute. Don't worry there Si, I didn't get married to anyone. Well..." Leaving it at that, because _that_

my friend, is an _entire_ different story. I could almost see his eyes widen as he gasps slowly. "Clarissa Fray, you'd

better be kidding with me! You are _not_ aloud to get married unless I've met the guy! And you'd have to tell me!" I

sighed. "Si, I was only half kidding. I'll tell you everything when you get here. Now, change the subject." We

talked about him and Izzy. Apparently they've been on and off since I left. And not once have they said that they

were exclusive. Right now though, they were together. He loved her though-he always had-but she doesn't

know how much.

"Yeah, every time I want to tell her, she breaks it off, or we get in a fight. But the longest we've ever been

broken up is about a week and a half. I wonder how I'm going to explain to her that I'm leaving New York for a

few days. Bet she won't like that at all."

"No, but, I mean...I'd come up there, but..." "Yeah, I know. So what am I going to tell the others?" Hm. One of

the great questions of my life. But then, I had it! "You can say it's official vampire business! Say Raphael said he'd

do you a favor if you came here and, I don't know, meet with another vampire. And you can say that a wizard

here is the one making the portal! Technically, there is too! She's so cool, you'd probably love her." I went on

into telling him my plan.

He'll tell the others that Raphael wants him to go to Ohio for vampire business, and he'll be gone for a few days-

or a week if I could convince Michael. I'll be the one who opens the portal-me being one of my friends who's

actually a real wizard-and then I'll take him home, saying hi to his mom and then come back home. Of course

though, now Simon will be part of my life again.

"Great plan Clary! Hay, by the way, not that I'm complaining, but why did you call me up at four in the morning?"

I laughed slightly. "I couldn't sleep. Plus...I was just thinking about my past. Mostly that last day and how I'd hurt

you. Ya know what Si? You're the only true friend I have. Sure, Izzy and Alec are my friends, but you're...you're

my brother. My best friend. Actually, right now, you're one of the only one's that I can even trust. My friends here

have become my only family-other than you of course-so I've been alone a lot. And one of my friends-her name

was Adreona. She...she died almost a year ago and she was...she was like a female you. And I trusted her as

much as I do you."

Silent tears began to pour out of my eyes and I wiped them away. "Aw Clare-Bear...I'm so sorry." "It's OK. So,

yeah, I was up, thinking, and...well, I had to change a diaper." **((AN-I forgot to add that part in. Clary had been **

**changing Lilly, then put her to sleep, then was watching her kids thinking. Just wanted to make that clear **

**XD ))** He started laughing. "So as you were changing a shitty diaper, you thought of me? I'm touched Clary!" I

busted out laughing too, then remembered that people were still asleep. "It was _after_ I finished! "

We talked longer, him telling me more about his life. His mom had died-I almost started crying again because she

was such a good person-and he sold the house and now lives in an appartment 10 minuets away from Magnus.

Then he asked me if I was calling him from a land-line or a cell. "My cell. You can save the number if you want,

just put the name as something other than Clary, Kay?" "Gotcha. What name do you want miss?" "Just put in my

old nick name. I actually go by it here. Ya know, so no one knows where I am." "And that would be what? CB?

Shorty?"

I laughed. "No silly! Roe! My middle name?" He gasped and _busts_ out laughing. "Oh my goodness! How could I

forget! Little Clarissa Rowena Fairchild!" As he laughed, I scratched my upper arm and said, "Uh, Simon? I'm

actually not technically that anymore. So as far as everyone's concerned, I'm technically Rowena Carter. No one

in Idris- other than Robert and I'll explain that later-knows where I am. I'd rather have a fake last name then go

by all those others. Fairchild, Morgenstern, Fray. Well, Fray's OK. Since, ya know, you're really the only one who

calls me that."

We ended up hanging up soon after that. We were going to call/text each other when we were ready. That was

when I realized that it was already 5:30 in the morning. Wow. We were taking for over an hour. But I was

happy. I had my best friend back!


	4. First Words and Housmates

_so, i'm really sorry about not posting in over a week. i've had a hecktic time since i last posted. and, well...i felt bad. so, here's a new chapter! it's short-i know and apologize-but i figured sometings better than nothing. and i'll more than likely be posting short chapters more often than long chapter. it all just depends on how creative my mind is that day._

_oh, only one person even attempted the triva thing-and i dont mind, it was just something stupid i thought of one day, then actually wished i hadn't done it later that night. since they haven't PM-ed me back, I'm sorry, but I gave them over a week with no responce, so i'm just gonna use my charactors, and no one preveiws. _

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><p>I can't believe how great things are going! I get to see my best friend again, he doesn't hate me, and I<p>

couldn't be happier! In fact, I was in the mood to draw. See, I didn't draw as much as I use to anymore because

of the kids and the old memories that came with it. I grabbed my pencil, pad, and phone-you never know when

you could need it-and went to draw my kids.

After about and hour and a half, I'd draw my kids together and on their own sheets of paper. In my opinion,

these were some of my best drawings yet! Of course though, when ever I drew my kids, I always thought that.

Right when I had started another-this one with just their faces-I heard Lilly start to get fussy. She was looking

right at me, bouncing up and down-wanting out of her crib. I set down my stuff and went over to her and picked

her up.

I carried her out and downstairs to the kitchen. As soon as I set her in her high chair, I said, "So Lilly-loo,

what do you want? Cereal?" She clapped her hands and nodded. I got her favorite and started making

breakfast. It wasn't my day, but I figured that I might as well.

So, I had the eggs and bacon done, and was just waiting for the biscuits to finish as I played with Lilly.

"Come on Lilly, say mommy. Can you say mommy? Momma? Your brothers and sister can. Please baby? You're

almost 1 and you'd make momma very happy." She just blew a raspberry with her lips and smacked her hands

down on her table. I sighed.

Elliot, Simon, and Melody all said their first word when they were 9 months. Maybe it was just because of the

angel blood in them. But I still remember that exact day...

_Flashback..._

_Everyone had gone out to the store except for Mike. We were just done giving the triplets a bath and drying them. I _

_walked out to get their clothes and then, as I was just coming back in, I saw Elliot's mouth open and he yelled, _

_"Fuck!", with a huge smile on his face. I froze._

_Then, I turned to Mike. His eyes were wide and jaw dropped. "Michael, where did he hear that word?" "I-I don't _

_know." __And then, Simon yelled, "Me!" My eyes widened and I realized where they hear that from. But I didn't have a _

_chance to __tell Michael __before Melody surprised me the most. She didn't yell, but she didn't whisper. _

_"Wov momma!" _

_Mike and I looked from each of their faces to each other. Then, the boys both said, "Wov momma!" I just went _

_over to __them and hugged them saying, "Momma loves you guys too."_

_End flashback..._

I sighed again and went to check on the biscuits. That's when I heard Michael say, "Morning Nora. Morning

Lilly-Loo!" I turned around and smiled at Mike. He loved Lilly like family. Like a niece. And in a way, she was. All

my kids were a part of this family. So was I, surprisingly. He was more of a dad than an older brother to me

anyhow. "Morning Mike. Hay, can I have a friend come over?" His eyes widened and before he could say a word,

I hear Erik say, "A friend of Ro-Ro's?"

Here came out other housemates. First was Erik, then Maddy, Lucas, Sam, and Joe. Sam, Lucas, and Joe

were all brothers-17, 21, and 25-and Mike's kids. His wife, Amelia, had died 5 years ago. Erik's Mike's younger

brother-Mike's 37, Erik's 33. And then, there's Maddy. She's 53 and Erik and Mike's mother. You'd never believe it

though, since she looks 20. "Moisturizer and hair dye, my dear." Was her modo.

So, here was my wacky family. Mike, my dad who never had coffee and cereal in the same meal and loved to

swing from trees like a monkey. Maddy my grandmother that looked as young as the others and who won't

tolerate bad manners. Erik was my uncle who was as energetic as his brother and who really hated the thought

of eggs and ketchup-I thought that was hilarious! Then the boys were my brothers and protectors. They'd all

never let me get hurt, no matter what.

Then...there was Adreona. She...she was my sister. But I was 5 months older than her-I turned 19 a little

over two months ago. And like I told Simon, she was him, only female. She loved video games, and hanging out

with me, and played instruments. Hell! She taught me how to play the violin, the piano, and the guitar! She had

his dark, messy hair, and always wore a gaming shirt. The only difference was that she wore contacts.

And they all had brown/golden hair-except Adreona and Lilly. They had/have blue, like Maddy. Erik, Mike, and

Joe all had chocolate brown eyes while Sam and Lucas had hazel eyes. Maddy was 5'6"-all the boys were

between 6 foot and 6'5". Of course though, I was still the shortest. But I had grown! I was now a whopping 5'2"

compared to my old 5 foot.

Any how, Sam says, "Mmmm. I smell food." I smiled. "Yep. I made lots, so eat up." Lucas gave me a sideways

glance and said, "Why are you all smiley today?" Erik-with a mouth full of food-said, "An wazz it bot a wend?"

Maddy thumped the back of his head. "Manners!" I laughed. "Well, I get to see one of my old friend Simon is

coming down to visit me."

My Simon looked at me and said, "I hew momma." "I know baby. I was talking about one of momma's old

friends. You were named after him just like Lilly was named after her mommy." Everyone was seated now,

eatingbreakfast. Sam took a sip of coffee and turned to me. "So, we get to meet the famous Simon from you're

past? I thought you didn't like talking about it?"

"I...don't. Um, guys? I...I have to tell you all something. But...Can we put the kids in the playroom?" Mike

nodded and him, Lucas, and Joe took the kids to the room. When they came back, Maddy said, "Alright Rowena,

what do you have to tell us?" I took a deep breath. They needed to know. _It looks like my past will always haunt _

_me. _"The truth. The truth about my past."

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><p><em>so? what'd ya think? more reviews=faster uploads 3!<em>


	5. You Still Love Us?

_ok, so, hate me if you want, but i have my reasons. now, this one was sopose to be longer, but i figued that you guys might want something. and i promise to try to make the next one longer._

_also, it vairies on when i'll update because i've been having school, family, and friend problems. but, i'm shore you all probably know the feeling. enjoy this little craptastic chapter!_

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><p>"Daa<em>aang<em>." Sam whispered. "Why didn't you ever tell us?" I fidgeted in my seat, staring at my hands in my

lap.

Now they knew everything. And I do mean _everything._ From the truth of my parents to the day I wished for

Jace to be brought back to life, to now. In a way, I felt...free. Free of the lies I had to tell them. But then...I was

scared. More like terrified. What if they wanted me to leave because I had lied to them? What if they hated me?

I whispered, "I'm sorry. I just...wanted my kids to be safe. I wanted them to be able to grow up and

feel...wanted:even loved. But...if you guys don't want us here anymore, I understand. I wouldn't want a liar in

my home. Especially one that's the angel girl."

Lucas says, "I want you. You _and_ the kids. You're our family and we're yours. Plus, there's no way I'm letting

you take my little buddies away."

And they all agreed with him. I started crying happily. They still wanted me. Me and my kids. After everything.

All the lies, the secrets...they still loved and wanted us. I wiped my eyes and said, "I love y'all, so much! I wish

there was some way I could repay you for all the kindness you've shown me and the kids." Maddy hugged me

and said, "Sweety, there's no need for that. We help our family out when ever they need it, no matter what."

Before I could say a word, my phone ran. With a sigh, I pulled away from Maddy and answered it. "Hello?"

"Clary, are you ready?" "Defiantly! Just give me, like, 10 minuets. How about I meet you in the middle of the

park?" "Perfect. See you then."

I turned to Mike, just about to beg him to watch the kids, when he sighed. "Yes, we'll watch the kids. But

you're not going alone. And don't argue about it. Now that we know you're the angel girl, we need to keep an

eye on you. Plus, you're going back to the your old home. You never know what could happen. No but's. Now go

get dressed and decide who you want to go with you."

Man! I'm not a child! But...I can see why he's doing this. It's to protect me from angel knows what. I sighed

and glanced at Sam. "You wanna go with me?" He smiled. "Sure! Meet you down here when you're done?"

"Sure."

We went upstairs and got dressed. I wore a simple t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Simple, but casual. And I kept

my hair down. It wasn't as long as it use to be because long hair was a hassle. It use to be to the small of my

back.

Now, it was a few inches below my shoulders. Still as curly and red, but not as long as it use to be. And, well,

Adreona thought I looked better with this hair cut.

I grabbed my stele and a pocket knife and went down stairs. Sam wore the same thing as me. He smiled, and

I returned the smile. "You ready?" He nodded and I drew my portal and we left.

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><p><em>the more rewiews, the faster i update 3. and sorry for the crapy formatting. it won't go the way i want it to :(<em>


	6. Confusion, Reunions, and Feathers?

_ok, so here's another chapter! finally got Libre to work, still hate the formatting though...(sorry about it, really)Anyhow, hope you like it. Sorry of it's a fast read, but something's better than nothing :}D_

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><p>We stepped out of the portal and I breathed in the air. You never realize how much you miss something<p>

until you see it again. And boy, did I ever miss this air. At least, the air in the park.

Sam breathed deeply and said, "So, where are we again?" "Well, it all depends on who you ask. I use to

come here with Simon when we were little with our moms and played. This was actually where I met him. But it's

also close to the secret entrance to the Fairy Court, and not too far from where Shadow Hunters like to train.

And, actually, it's not Central Park, but it's the park everyone loves to come to." **(AN-I wasn't too sure about **

**this ****part, so just pretend that this is Central Park, but a WHOLE lot bigger:with a lake in the middle. I'm too **

**lazy ****to look up a real place. )**

His eyes widened . "Wow. It sounds huge." I nod. "Yep, it is. Come on, we gotta keep walking for a bit." So

we walk until we got to this old swing that Simon and I use to play on all the time when we were little. I told him

about Simon while we waited. He thought it was "wickedly amazing" that Si was the almost clone of Adreona. Of

course, anytime we spoke of her, I instantly felt like crying. She had been my rock, and I hers. _OK __Clary, quite _

_thinkin' about her and think about Simon._

"C-Clary?" My head whipped around and I gasped. There, about ten feet from me, was a boy. His hair was

longer than last time I saw him, but that was the only difference. I shrieked, "SIMON!" and ran to him. He met me

half way and lifted me in the air and span me. Oh my god! He smelt just the same! I didn't realize how much I

had been hurting since I left! Being here, in my best friend's arms, made me feel totally and completely happy

and loved.

Simon nuzzled my neck and whispered, "I've missed you _so_ much Clary." "I've missed you too Simon." He set

me back on the ground, but kept a hold of my hand as he appraised me. "Damn girl, you look sexy as hell!" I

laughed as he gently twirled me so he could see my back also. I said sarcastically, "Oh yes! Left over baby flab is

such a turn on! You look just the same. You're hair's longer though." He smirked and rolled his eyes.

I pulled Si towards Sam and said, "Simon, this is my friend Sam. Sam, this is Simon, the Daylighter." They

shook hands and Sam said, "So, Simon, you got any embarrassing stories of Roe?" Smiling, he says, "Oh yeah. I'll

tell you later. Hey, Clary, should I call you Roe?" I didn't care, so he just said that he'd call me Clary.

"OK, there's some things that you need to know before we can go any further with this. Um, Simon, I think

you should sit down." He does and Sam and I sit with him. I take a deep breath and begin my story. Well, just

the basics and need-to-knows.

"OK, so, um, the easiest way to start off is by telling you that I don't...just have a kid. I technically have four.

But only three are my birth children. My first born is Elliot Nickolas. Then you got Simon Quin. And yes, I named

him after you. My third child is my baby girl Melody Grace. And then, I have Lillian Adreona. Lilly's my friend's

kid...but she died having her. So, I took her in and have been raising her as my own. Um, next month the trips

will turn two and in two months, Lilly will be one. Hold on. Sam, do you have a picture of the kids?"

He nods and gets it out of his wallet and hands it to Simon. Who, by the way, looks like his eyes are about to

pop out of his head. Sam points out the kids for him and I continue."So, yeah. My kids. And, um, next there's the

whole disappear thing. See, Robert-Izzy's dad- helped me out back then. When I ran away, he got in contact

with some old friends and they said that I could live with them. He's been the only one that I've kept contact

with. Him and Magnus, but I'll explain where he fits in later. Robert's helped me so much. Like, when I left, he

took me to the Clave and I got my name changed. Well, not technically, but still. Clarissa Rowena Fray is alive,

but no one knows it. Um, that's confusing. Here, let me put it like this. If the Clave need me, they'll send for

Rowena Carter. And all my kids have the last name Fray, so...yeah."

I took a deep breath and nodded to myself. Simon was still trying to understand everything. "So, let me get

this straight. You don't have a child, you have three. Technically four. And you're still Clary Fray, but you're also

Rowena Carter." I nod, hoping that I haven't shocked him too bad.

He took a deep breath and nodded. "OK. Anything else?" I bit my lip. "Well...yes. See, you know how I have

angel blood in me? Well, um, not only does it let me create new runes, but, well, being the angel girl comes

with...extras. Like, I can read the words of heaven-Angelic. And I have some other abilities. But nothing that I

can say yet. I'll show you later. I just told the others about my angel blood just this morning anyhow, so don't

feel left out. But other than that, I think I told you all the basics. Four kids, name change-kinda-and new powers.

That's it. You good Si?"

He smiles widley. "Yep. Can I go meet my nieces and nephews now?" I laughed and stand up. "Sure. Let's go

boys." Simon picked up a duffel bag that I hadn't noticed and I pulled out my stele. I've learned how to make

portals out of thin air now.

We stepped threw and Sam stretched his arms up over his head and breathed deeply saying, "It's good to be

home!" I laughed. "Yeah. I forgot how clear the air is here compared to NY. So, Si, here it is. Well, this is the back

yard. Come on, let's get you introduced to everyone."

Sam says, "Hold up. Roe, we're not in our yard. We're in the woods by the interstate. We gotta run." Crap! He

was right. "Oh well. Y'all wanna race?" I got two devilish smirks and nods. "First one there wins. Second and last

has to wash dishes tonight. Ready? Set? GO!"

I took off. First, I glamored myself. Then, I let myself go. One of the perks of my angel blood was about to

make itself shown. Power and pure freedom coursed threw me as my wings came free. Yes, you heard me.

Wings. They were huge, white, glowing, feathery wings. You see, well, only two people other than me even

knew about my wings. Robert and Magnus.

Anyhow, my wings unfolded and I took off into the sky. Oh how it felt! I hadn't been able to go out flying in

over a month. Now, I can't believe that I lasted that long. Flying was like no other experience in the world. When

you're in the air, you feel like nothing can harm you. All your worldly problems just disappeared. Nothing

mattered. It took about two seconds in the air to spot the Instatute, and another three to get there. I landed,

pulled back my wings, and went inside to wait for the boys. Lucas saw me and said, "Where's your friend and

Sam?" "Well, when we portaled back here, I miscalculated and we were in the forest by the interstate. So, we

decided to race. And I won."

"How? I mean, isn't your friend the Daylighter?" "Yep. I'll explain when they get here. I gotta, um, tell

everyone something else. The kids in the play room?" He nodded and I went upstairs. The first thing I heard as I

had taken the first step on the stairs was a knock at the door. Sighing, I went to get it, knowing who it'd be.

Simon was smirking nervously until he realized it was me. "How did you-?" "I'll tell ya later. Now come on. I

want to introduced my kids to their uncle Si." He smiled. I took his hand and we jogged up the stairs. When we

got outside the playroom, I whispered, "Wait here for just a second." he nods and I go in the room.

Elliot was the first to see me. He screamed, "Momma!" His twins turned and broke into huge grins and yelled,

"Mommy!" And, "Momma!" Lilly just screamed happily from the changing table. The Trips **(AN-cute little **

**nickname for the triplets, isn't it? Ha ha) **all ran towards me and grabbed my legs, making me fall. I laughed

when Maddy sat Lilly down and she crawled her way over to me. I laughed and scooped Lilly up in my arms.

Looking up at Maddy, I say, "They good?" "As always. Where's your friend?" Simon tugged my pants and looked

at me curiously. "Momma have fwend?" "Yes baby, momma has a friend. Kids, I want you to meet one of my

friends that I love as dearly as you all. Uncle Simon, you can come in now."

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><p><em>love? hate? want a taco? tell me what ya think :) <em>


	7. Wings and Poison

_another chapter :) also, Jace _will _be in making an appearance soon, probably in the chap after next._

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><p>"It's been a long day, hasn't it?"<p>

"You're telling me."

Simon had just helped me put the kids down for bed. I still can't believe how fast they accepted him!

_Flashback..._

"_Kids, I want you to meet one of my friends that I love as dearly as you all. Uncle Simon, you can come in now."_

_Simon walked in and smiled gently at the kids. While Lilly, Elliot, and Melody stared at him, my Simon got up and walked over towards my best friend. He pulled on his pants leg and big Simon got on his knees and said, "Hi there little man."_

_My Simon cocked his head to the side and said, "Awr you the man I named after?" I smirked and Si said, "I suppose I am. Did you know that the name Simon means, 'to be head' I bet you can be pretty stubborn, can't you?"_

_My baby smirked now and nodded. Elliot spoke up now from beside me. "What does my name mean?" And Melody said, "What about mine?" I laughed as each of my kids ran over to him. Well, except for Lilly. She staid by me and blew raspberry's into my arm._

_End Flashback..._

Everyone gathered in the living room and chatted. Finally, after a bit, I said, "Guys, I think that I should come clean with something else. Something I've known about since just a little after the kids were born. And I don't know how y'all are going to feel about it either. But, here it is." I take a deep breath.

"Adreona had taken me out for the day because she thought that I could use some peace and quiet. So we went to the store, then the park. I...felt weird. Like, something was going to happen to me. And it did. I was sitting in a tree with her and I started to fall. But...I never hit the ground.

That's when...I saw my back glowing. Turns out, I have wings. And that's not all. You know my extra angel blood?Well, it doesn't just give me the ability to make new runes. I can also read Angelic. It's the words of the angels. I can speak some, but not enough to count.

So, yeah. I have wings. They're big enough to carry me and one person. Well, Adreona. That's why we'd leave some days. So that we could figure out my powers. I actually mastered them pretty fast.

The point I'm making is that more than likely, the kids will have wings too. I...don't know if they will, it's just a feeling, but I'm almost positive that they will. We'll have to train them and keep them in hiding until they learn to keep their powers hidden. If you guys don't want to help me-or even let us stay here-I'll totally understand. I've lied to you, munched on your food for years now, and now, you have to deal with us being freaks."

My throat tightens, holding back the tears, as I wait for someone to say something. Anything. Are they disgusted? Will they let me stay here still?

Simon was the one to speak. "I think being part ange is anything but a freak. It's amazing. And Clary, how could you think that they would kick you out now? They've dealt with you for this long. And they still want you, even after you told them the truth. Ask them. I'm sure I'm right."

Maddy nodded as my gaze fell on her. "Of course you're right. Why would you even think that we wouldn't love you and want you Roe? We love and want you here. You and the kids. Don't you dare think other wise. You are our family and family stays together no matter what."

Family...they...really think I'm family...Tears streamed down my face now and I cried, "I don't _have_ a family! My own mother tried to _kill_ _my_ _babies! _My father tried to take over the Clave! All I have is me and my kids!" I fall to my knees and cry.

Lucas falls to his knees next to me and pulls me to his chest. "Do you know how wrong you are? We all love you and you _are_ a part of our family. So don't you dare say other wise. Hell! Simon over here is your family! Why else would he come here?"

He was right. As I cried into his chest, I realized he was right. Everyone here _was_ my family. And thanks to them, I finally felt like things would always get better.

**_At the end of the week...**_

Today was the day Simon had to go back. And me and the kids were all sad. None of us wanted him to leave. The kids especially. They really loved their uncle Si. Yes, since it was too confusing to remember which Simon was needed at times, my baby was either "Lil Simon" or just plain old Simon. The other was "Si", "Big Si", or some version of "Uncy."

It was decided that since I missed Si so much, I would spend a day or two with him. Yes, I know that the Lightwoods were still there, but I didn't care. I just wasn't ready to let him go yet. We were going to talk more now, but visits were going to be harder. We both agreed to at least once a month thought.

This week with him had made me just how big a piece of my heart was missing. And unfortunately, that piece was New York. There were things that I did and did not miss. But eventually, I'd have to face the things I didn't like anyways.

Anyways, Simon brought back the kid in me. Sure, that kid had kids of her own, but a kid none the less. Like, on the third day, we both changed our hair. We died our hair brown. He put in a red streak in his, and I put in blue. Of course, mine turned out to be low lights. And, we did a good job if I say so myself. Seeing as we did it all by ourselves in my bathroom.

On the day that we were going to leave, Joe told me that if I wanted to stay over with Si for a few days, they'd take the kids camping. I agreed, knowing that the kids loved camping. And Si was more than happy to take me in.

I packed a bag for three days and Si and I said good bye to everyone. I'd miss my babies like crazy, but I know they'd be safe and have a great time. "You ready to go?" I nodded. "Come on." I made the portal and stepped threw.

Since I had never been to his apartment, I took us to the park. Right when the portal closed, Si turned to me and smirked. "So, wanna see how fast I've become?" Before I can answer, he threw me onto his back and started running.

Next thing I know, he's setting me down, laughing, "Welcome to my building." I grabbed his arm, because I would've fell other wise, and said, "I hate you Simon Lewis. You could've warned a girl!" he just chuckled more and pulled my by the hand up into his building. This was going to be one hell of a mini-vacation.

_The next day..._

When I was up and dressed, we went and got me breakfast. Si had called Izzy and told her that he was back, but not to come over because he was still, "doing some shit for Raphael."

The day was spent going around New York and reminiscing. It was a great day! One of the best I've had in years! And that night, we decided to go partying. A.K.A. Pandemonium. Sure, there wasn't clubs in WV where demons hung out, but there _were_ plenty of hang outs.

I slipped on the little black dress and knee high boots I had brought with me-because I had a feeling we might go partying- and we left in his car. Did I mention he has a Audi Quattro Concept in black? **(AN-I'm going to put a link to a picture of it on my profile) **That car is just...Beautifully amazing!

At the club, we managed to kill 5 demons in just an hour! When we were at the bar, Si said, "You're really good at this Fray." "Of course. Rowena is famous in West Virginia for her skills." And I was. Being a mother of 4 actually made me more aware of my surroundings. Hey, a mom has to make sure that her kids grow up safe.

"Think you can handle two miss thang?" He nodded towards the two boys across the floor. "Yep. This should be easy." I finish my drink and strut over. They're both blond. The taller wears jeans and a button down. The shorter has jeans and a t-shirt.

I put my hand on my hip and smile seductively at them. "Hey boys. Looking for some fun?" The taller purrs, "Think you can handle us?" I smirk, then 'accidentally' brush the front of their jeans with my hands. "I think the question is, can you two handle me?"

They follow me to the back room and I attack one with my lips. As he's up against the wall, I press my hand against his chest and blast him with a bolt of energy. In an instant, he's dead and I turn to the other and say, "Thought y'all couldn't handle-" But I'm cut off by the claws that are currently resting in my stomach. I gasp and he growls, "Dammed little girl."

He yanks his claws out and I fall to the floor. The world blurs and my body begins to numb, but I know Si's taking care of the demon now. I soon feel his hands on me. "Clary! Hold on, OK? I'm not going to let you die. Stay awake and fight it Clary! Do it for the kids!" My...kids...

I stay awake threw the drive, not knowing where we're going. All I can think about is staying awake and fighting the urge to give in. I do it for my kids. I can't die. I can't make them orphans before they even turn 2. So all I can do is fight the poison coursing threw my veins.

Faintly, I hear Simon talking to someone on the phone. "Look, you gotta help...You have to heal her...Family...don't tell anyone..."

The car stops and arms lift me up. Voices...people are talking. What am I laying on? Why is it cold?

Why can't I move? Why can't I say anything?

"_Clary? Clary, can you hear me?" _Who's that? It sounds like Simon...

"_She should wake up very soon." _Who's _this?_ I know it's not Simon. But it sounds familiar.

Feeling began to come back to my body. My fingers twitched and I groaned in pain. "Clary! Thank goodness you're alright!" My eyes fluttered open and I saw Simon. I whispered dryly, "S-Simon..? What happened?" I tried to sit up and it hurt.

As his arm slid behind me to help me sit up, he said, "Easy there. Take it slow. That demon got you pretty good. It's poison claws pierced your stomach. You're lucky this time." I was poisoned? Then how did he save me?

"Simon, how did you save me? You can't make izates. And where are we? I know this isn't the club or your apartment." He smiled gently. "I brought you to a friend's house. He saved you." Who...? Before I could ask, I heard a mans voice say, "You bet you vampire ass I did." It couldn't be...

But there he was. Standing almost directly in front of me, was none other than Magnus Bane.

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><p><em>oh! cliffy! BTW, who should appear in the next chap? Izzy or Alec? maybe both?<em>


	8. Back to See an Old Friend

_ok, so here's another! and, i've gotten a few messages asking me why i gave Clary wings. well, it's because i have major plans for her and the wings in the future. but i promise this won't be like Maximum Ride. and i can tell you right now that Jace isn't going to have wings. he's too good for wings. lol_

_and he WILL be in the next chap, pinky promise._

_now, without further adoo..._

* * *

><p><em>Previously...<em>

_But there he was. Standing almost directly in front of me, was none other than Magnus Bane. ____

Oh. My. God.

I turned to Simon and yelled, "You brought me _here? _Here of all places!" His eyes widened. "Well, it was either here or die. And I wasn't going to let that happen."

Magnus snorted. "Glad to see you missed me."

My head whipped around to Magnus. "Magnus, as grateful as I am that you saved my life, you can't tell anyone! You have to forget I was here." If he told Alec, then he'd tell Izzy, and Izzy would tell...

He snorted. "Don't worry. Why would I want to hurt Alexander more than you already have?" Wait, hold it. "What are you talking about? I haven't hurt him." Hell! I haven't even seen any of them in over two years! Especially any of the Lightwoods -other than Robert.

Magnus came over and handed me a glass of water as he said, "You hurt him by leaving. You hurt him because you didn't tell him that you were having a baby. And you hurt him because you hurt his brother. Now, I'm not going to lecture you on everything because quite frankly, I'm not going to waist my breath. And, well, I'm partially on your side in all this. Although, you've been the cause of more than one fight between me and my Shadow-hunter."

I chugged my water as Simon said, "First, it's not Clary's fault if there's trouble in your relationship. Second, what do you mean you're on her side?" Magnus simply shrugs. "I mean that I think that even though leaving without telling anyone was risky, stupid, and overreacting, I believe you were in the right. In a way that is. Now, Clary, does anything hurt? Any dizziness? Nashua?"

As his fingers touched my bandages-Hold it! Where's my dress? "Uh...Where's my dress?" "Relax child. I had to remove it. But it's not like I haven't seen a women's bare chest before. Now, answer my questions." His fingers touched my wound and I winced. "Yeah. That hurt. But I'm not dizzy or anything. Where's my stele?"

By the look on Si's face, he had either lost it, or it was broken. Sighing, I say, "Broke, lost, or worse? Tell the truth Simon Lewis." His eyes widened. "How did you-? Mom thing?" I nod. He sighs. "The, um, demon took it. I think. That or it's on the floor back at the club."

Great. Just great. My stele was gone. So I'd have to let my wound heal on its own. Wonderful. I turned my head back towards Magnus. "Do you have a shirt I can borrow? Or maybe, by some chance, a stele?" He shakes his head.

I mutter, "Fudge me." Simon cocks his eyebrow. "Uh, fudge me?" "Well, since Erik made my Elliot's first word 'fuck' I've made the rule that if I hear any of the boys say fuck instead of 'fudge', I'd personally chop their dick off." I finished off with a smile.

Magnus smiled and laughs. "Finally the innocent Clarissa Fray says dick! And fuck! What a day indeed." I roll my eyes. "Yes, I do say bad words. Now, forrealz. Do you have a shirt or stele?" I'd be good with either really. My shoulders were getting cold, and my stomach was hurting.

"As much as I want you to but a shirt on and the two of you get the hell out of here so that I can continue my night, you need to stay here Clary. I'm not 100% sure that all the poison is out of your system. You should stay the night just so that I can keep and eye on you. And the wound. It'll have to heal on its own. Daylighter, you can go home now."

Simon, let's say, didn't agree to this. After lots of arguing, I finally yelled, "Shut the hell up! Both of you! Simon, I'll be fine. Magnus, be nice." So, Si said he'd pick me up in the morning, and Magnus gave him something to take out the blood stain in his car. Which, I apologized profusely for making.

After he left, Magnus put me in a guest room. As I laid in bed, I started thinking about my old life.

Did Izzy and Alec hate me for leaving? For not telling them about me being pregnant? And what about their mom? Had Robert told her anything? Angel, I hope not. It was never my intentions to hurt any of them, but at the time, it was just too much. The man I loved more than anything wanted me to kill our love baby. My own mother even tried to kill it herself!

Now that I'm back in contact with Simon, and I guess Magnus now, what was I going to do? I...really want my babies to know their family, but not...their father. I don't even want Jace to know what the genders are. And the best part? He'll never know I had triplets.

Magnus knocked on the threshold and said, "Mind if I come in?" He does anyway, though I don't care. And he brought me a sandwich. As he handed it to me, I winced and sat up. "Thanks Magnus. But since when do you actually have manners? The old Sparkly One would've just walked in here, thrown the sandwich at me, and probably left." It was true.

"Well, I thought that you'd be the exception just this once. Now, I'll leave you to rest as soon as you tell me everything." Did he really think that I was just going to chat like a teenage girl? But...if he promised not to tell anyone...

"I'll talk, but you gotta keep it a secret. Like, you can't tell anyone. Not Izzy, or Alec, and especially not Jace. You have to promise on your love for Alec that you won't tell anyone anything about me or my life from the time I left on, OK?" He agrees and I tell him my tale.

**Afterward**

"So let me get this straight. You have four kids, three being the result of you and Blondy's fucking like rabbits, the last a friends. And you've been living under the alias of Rowena Carter in West Virginia? And the only one who's known where you've been and everything else it Alexanders father, Robert?"

I nod. "Yep. Don't forget about the wings. And they're defiantly not bird wings. By the way, have you ever heard of it? People with wings?" He scratched his chin. "Other than angels, no. This is fascinating. Jace doesn't have wings. Do your children?" He had better mean 'your' as in mine.

"No. Are you sure he doesn't? It seemed like he would've been the one more likely to inherit qualities of angels. I mean, I can create new runes, he has the speed and strength. Magnus, what do you think this means?" Ever since Magnus told me that Jace doesn't have wings, my entire thought train froze. My theory had been that since we both had extra angel blood in us, we'd both have wings.

And why only me? There's nothing special about me. I'm not even the first angel child!

A snap of fingers in front of my face made me gasp, "What!" "Calm yourself girl. All I said was that you should get some sleep. I don't want you to pass out from exhaustion and the Daylighter to nag me about keeping you up all night."

Oh. Well, OK then. "Good night. Thanks again for saving my life Mags. I'm not sure how I can pay you back, but I will. Just tell me and I'll do it." As he walked away, he waved backwards and said, "It's on the house. Just don't go back to Hicks-ville without saying good bye this time."

"It's not Hicks-ville!" **(and it's not) **He yelled, "Says the chic with the accent!" I laughed and fell asleep quickly.

My dreams turned to nightmares in a matter of seconds. I was flying in the air, free as ever. The sky was blue and beautiful. Until it turned dark and began to thunder. The air was thick with evil. I wanted to turn back: to go home to protect my babies. But something stopped me.

Some_one _actually.

As the lightning flashed, I saw him. Though, he looked completely different then the last time I had saw him. His hair a pale blond instead of the black. Even in just the flash of light, I saw his back as coal eyes. But there was one thing that I couldn't believe that I was seeing.

On his back were gray, filthy wings with blood dripping from the tips.

"Hello dearest sister. I knew that you would return eventually. How long has it been? Ah yes. Going on three years. How _have_ you been?" I reached for my dagger and threw it at him. He dodged. I yelled, "What are you doing here Sebastian? What do you want?"

Suddenly, he was right in front of me. His breath stunk like week old scrambled eggs as he whispered, "You're wings." Before I could respond, he hit by stomach and was behind me in the same second. I clutched my stomach in pain as his callused and brutal fingers grabbed my wings and jerked me down.

"Clary!"

My eyes shot open and my body shot up. Ah! Major regret! I looked to my left and saw Simon. "Clary! Are you OK? You were having a nightmare and-Are you bleeding? _Magnus_! Get your ass in here! She's bleeding!"

**After He Fixes Her Up**

"How does that feel? Too tight? Loose?" I shook my head. Magnus was re-dressing my wound while Simon went outside to clear his head. This was the second time in as many days that he had to watch me bleed and fight the eager to drink me dry.

"I'm fine. Look, I just had a nightmare and sat up too quickly. I'm fine." He looked at me skeptically, but nodded. "OK. Look, you need to take it easy, OK? You've lost a lot of blood and you need to just relax. How long are you going to stay here in New York?"

"Well, I had planned on three days. So tomorrow and the next day, then I'm going back home. Why do you ask?" The look in his eyes told me that I wasn't going to like his response. And I didn't.

"Because this needs to be looked at by a Shadow-hunter."

I pushed his hands away from me. "Oh no. don't you even think about getting any of them over here. No Magnus. I'll go back home and-" "And what? Let your kids see you bleeding? You need to stay here so that I can save you if you begin to loose too much blood. And I need a Shadow-hunters view on your situation. One of the Lightwoods would be the best because they've been treated you before. So unless you either want to risk dieing or letting your babies see their mother bleeding, you're staying here and letting me get one of the Lightwoods to help."

I gulped. He had a point. There was no way in hell I was going to let my kids see their mother bleeding. And if I did leave, there would be less of a chance that I'd live if I went home. Here, Magnus could heal me. And if I needed blood, I'm sure Alec or Izzy would help in that department.

Whispering, I say, "Fine. But Alec. Just him. And he can't tell anyone." Magnus nodded and left soon after to call him. I curled up on my side as much as I could and took beep breaths. Simon's voice carried over to me. "You OK?"

"No, I'm not. Simon, nothing's going like I planned. I was just suppose to come here to visit you. Not get poisoned. Not to come here. Not to see anyone who knew Clarissa. And you heard him Si. If I go home now, my kids will see my bleed and I might possible die. I have no choice. After two years of hiding and forming a new life, I'm forced to come back to the one that didn't want me."

Simon came over and held me as I cried. I hate it that I've put my best friend threw all of this. All I've done is hurt Simon for years. I hurt him when I chose Jace over him. Then again when I basically made him become a Vampire. When I left him after the day Jace chose himself over me and his child.

"How can you even still be here with me Simon? I've hurt you so many times. Why don't you hate me? Why don't you tell me that you can never forgive me and that you never want to see me again?" I _wanted_ him to yell at me. Scream at me. Anything!

"Because I love you Clary. I love you so much. You're my little sister and I could never hate you. I'm always going to be with you, whether you like it or not. And now that I know where you've ran off to, I'm never going to let you get away. Don't worry about Alec. You know that I'll personally hurt him if he even dares to tell anyone that you're here. Magnus be dammed. Hell! I'll even steal his stele so that you can go back home if you want. Just tell me what I can do to see you smile again Clair-Bear. It hurt me so much to watch you in pain. Especially when you think you have to go threw it alone."

So even now I'm hurting him. What a friend I am. I'm tired of hurting people I love! Two years. _Two fucking years _I've been away and hurting Simon. And Alec. And probable Izzy. Well no more! I _will_ find a way for them all to be in my kids' lives without Jace being included.

I refuse to continue hurting people, I'm tired of always crying and wishing that Jace had loved me enough to stay with me and our kids. I'm tired of waiting for the next day to somehow be different then today. And most of all, I'm tired of always being weak.

With what strength I had in me, I pushed Si away and wiped my tears saying, "I'm tired of crying Simon. I'm tired of telling my kids that everything will be OK. And when they start asking about who their father is and why they've never met their father or his family, I'm going to tell them the truth. But I will let the others know the kids.

A good mom takes care of her kids and makes sure that they're safe and loved. Hiding from people who will probably love them isn't me being a good mom. But I'll be dammed if Jace finds out that I had three kids, or their genders, or even meet them. He gave up his right to them.

Simon, you want to know what you can do to see me smile again? I need you to make me keep a promise. I'm promising to let Izzy and Alec, and even Maryse meet the kids. I'm promising that my mother, Luke, and Jace may never or will never see my children until I know that I can trust them. But they'll never be alone with them. Especially my mother.

Just help me give my kids the things they deserve and I swear I'll smile again. I'm not going to hurt anyone anymore Si. And _I _don't want to hurt. Help me be the adult I thought I was. Please Si?"

For a moment, all we do is stare at each other. Until he smirks and says, "You got it Fray. Now, let's go find Sparkles." This is exactly why I loved Simon and named my son after him. He knows how to make me laugh no matter what.

Simon's arm wraps around my ribs-since my waist was still hurting-and we went to find Magnus. Because his house was so big, I used my sensing ability-one of the perks of the angel blood-and figured out that he was in the living room.

As we entered the room, Magnus sighs. "Well, that went differently then I though." "What? Is something wrong?" "Alexander didn't, well...react the way I thought he would. All I did was text him saying that I had a surprise for him and to get here when he could. Which, usually means that he'd be over in half an hour or less. But he said that he has plans today and that he'd be here tonight."

And? "So what if he comes tonight? Does it make a difference?" He began to pace the floor. "It usually wouldn't. But his excuse was...off. Actually, it was a down right lie. He said that he was going to go out to Taki's with Izzy and Simon. But, seeing as Simon's here and has been, I believe something's off."

Why would Alec lie to Magnus? Simon sat me down on the couch as he said, "I'm going to call up Izzy and see if she says the same thing." I suppose he had her on speed dial because all he did was press 2 buttons and was ready to talk.

"Hey, Izzy. What's up?"-pause-"Same. What are you doing?"-another pause-"Well, have fun then. Bye." He turned to us as he placed his phone back in his pocket. "Well, there's definitely something going on. She said that she, Alec, and Magnus are going to visit Jace in Idris."

Magnus' eyebrows shot up. "What!" I held up my hand. "Hold on boys. OK, something's going on and I know just how to figure out what. But I need a stele. It was one of the runes I've created over the years. It gives the wearer something of a third eye. Though it only lasts for a bit, it can show you where or what someone is, or is doing."

At the snap of Magnus' fingers, a stele was dropped into my lap. "Use it. I want to get to the bottom of this." So did the rest of us. So, I drew the 'minds-eye' rune on my palm and focused on Izzy and Alec.

* * *

><p>"<em>Alec! What am I going to do?"<em>

"_I don't know Iz. But you can't really think that he's cheating on you."_

"_And why not! It's not like we're exclusive. But why else would he not come and see me when he got back?" She bit her lip._

_Alec sighs. "Look, You said it yourself. You two aren't exclusive. Plus, didn't you break up a while ago? Like before he left on that trip?"_

_She stands and exclaims, "My point exactly! I asked Raphael and he said that he didn't send Simon to do anything. Why would he lie to me? I'm sure he went to go see that tramp! It wouldn't be the first time he two-timed me!"_

_Alec sighed. "Izzy, listen to me. You both lie to each other. You told him that me you and Magnus are going to visit Jace in Idris. But, as you can see, we're not leaving, and Jace isn't even in Idris. He's god knows where. And anyhow, you know that Simon cares about you. Why else would he have put up with you for this long? The only reason I have is cause you're my sister."_

"_I don't care. And so what if I lied? It's not like he'll ever figure it out. I bet you right now that he's probably fucking some blond bimbo. Dammit! I'm going over to his house right now."_

_She grabbed her coat and Alec sighed. "Well, if you're leaving, I'm going over to Magnus'. He said he had a surprise for me." As he put his coat on, Iz said, "But he has a new ass plug for you." _

* * *

><p>I rubbed my forehead and clenched my eyes as I spoke. "Well, Izzy thinks that Simon's cheating on her, she knows that the whole reason he left home wasn't for vampire shit, and she's going over to his house to see if he's, and I quote, 'fucking some blond bimbo'. Jace isn't in Idris either. Oh, Magnus. Alec's coming over and Iz said that your surprise for him's probably a new ass plug."<p>

Both boys yelled, "WHAT!" Simon continued with, "How could she think that I'd fuck someone else!" Simultaneously, Magnus yells, "What I use with Alexander is my business, not hers!" Oh god! I didn't need to hear either of those statements. I jammed my fingers in my ears and yelled, "I'm not listening! La-la-la-la-la! Not listening!" Magnus' cell made us stop yelling.

"Hello my favorite Shadow-hunter. I wasn't expecting you to call."-pause- "Really? Well then, come right on over. But I must warn you, my surprise isn't for the faint of heart. And, you might want to be prepared for a blast from the pass. OK, I'll see you when you get here. I love you!" His phone shut before another word was said.

I sighed and Simon said, "So he's coming over? As in, right now?" "But of course. Alec loves surprises. Though I'm not positive how he'll react to this...Oh well! Now, Clary, you should call your friends in and tell them that you may be staying here for just a few more days. If Alexander thinks you're good to go, them by all means, go with your original plan. If not, you'll be staying here until I say so."

Have I mentioned how much I hate saying that Magnus knows best? Well, I do. With a burning passion.

((Ha-ha! I _was_ going to end it here, but I think that I'll make it longer :D ))

* * *

><p>"You OK Fray?"<p>

No, I really wasn't. But I couldn't tell him that. "As OK as I can be. I just miss my kids. Like, Lucas told me that Lilly was humming and everyone thought that she was going to finally speak. But, I guess that if she does talk when I'm here, I'll at least get to see her first steps."

Simon's arm came around my shoulders. "I'm sure that if she did talk, her first word would be 'momma' or something. What were the others' first words?" I laughed and shook my head.

"Well, when Mike and I were dressing them after a bath, Elliot puts on this huge, shit eaters grin and yells 'Fuck!'. Now, you know I was freaking out. My kids' first word was a curse word!

And when I asked Mike where he learned it, Lil' Si yells 'Me!' and I fill with anger. Since, back then, Erik always said, 'fuck me' when he got ticked. Like, come on! And right before I could botch to Mikey about his brother, Melody made all the anger go away. She didn't whisper, but she softly said, 'Wuv Momma.' And then, both my boys yelled the same thing.

I think that that was one of, if not the, best moments in my life. For the first time since I had left everyone here, I felt like nothing could go wrong. To just hear them say that they loved me...made me feel like like I had done the right think by leaving."

That day was also the day that Lucas and I agreed that he'd be the Godfather to my kids. Adreona was the Godmother, but...Anyways, if anything happened to me, they'd go to him. And if that wasn't possible, they'd go to Joe, Mike, and now, Simon.

Of course, he didn't know it yet.

I looked up to his face and smiled. "Hey, I forgot to tell you something." He gave me a curious smile back. "And what might that be?" I looked back down to my lap as I spoke.

"Well, I was thinking...that if you want to-and you don't have to be...if you wanted, you can be...um, well, I was just thinking that maybe..." I took a beep breath and blurted, "Do you want to be one of the people to get the kids if anything happens to me and Lucas?"

He tensed. Oh no, he didn't want to be. "Look, forget it. It was a stupid-" I was cut off by his hand. As I looked into his face, I saw a dumbfounded smile. "Clary, I'd _love_ to take care of the kids if you couldn't. Does that mean I'm like, the Godfather?"

"No, that's actually Lucas. But if something happened to me or him, all the kids would either go to you, Mike, or Joe. You all are actually the God-uncles. **(Is that even real? Lol) **So, would you be willing to take them in if something happened?" "Hell yeah!"

I loved his child like amazement.

"I hate to break up the love fest, but Alexander will be here shortly and we should figure out how we're going to tell him."

We saw Magnus leaning against the wall, staring at us. I shrugged. "Well, since I have to tell him anyways, why don't you just say _'Clary's back and I need you to look at her for me. She'll tell you everything since she's already had to tell me, Simon, and will probably have to tell your sister so that she stops thinking that Simon's fudging another girl.'_"

Before another word was said, the front door opened and Alec walked into the room saying, "Magnus, I'm-"

He sees me.

And then he faints.

* * *

><p><em>how'd i do? and rememeer, I'll answer your Q's if ya got them :P<em>


	9. couldn't think of a title

_here it is guys! and longer than before!_

* * *

><p><em>Previously...<em>

_Before another word was said, the front door opened and Alec walked into the room saying, "Magnus, I'm-"_

_He sees me._

_And then he faints._

Magnus is instantly by his side and I yell, "Is he OK!" After a quick inspection, Magnus nods. "Yes. He's just fainted." I get up so that he can set Alec down.

Great. I made a Shadow-hunter faint. But...how? The only thing that's he would recognize on me would be my eyes, since my hair's shorter and brown. Yeah, it was still kind of curly-not as bad as before thanks to the perm I had-but nothing like before.

"Magnus, I'm sorry that I made him faint. But, do you know how he even knew it was me? 'Cause you gotta admit, I don't look the same as the last time he saw me." Before he could answer, Si said, "Your eyes are the same, plus, well...Let me say this differently. When I first saw you, somehow, I just knew it was you. Like you were giving off this...aura, I guess."

Now Magnus nods and speaks, "Yes, I felt the same thing. But do not fret Clary, you did nothing wrong. Now, when he awakes, I believe you should answer all his questions and tell him your story. That way, things will be easier for everyone."

_switchin' it up a bit... (Alec's POV)_

So, when I walked up Magnus' street, I noticed Simon's car. Weird, that he'd be here. See, they don't get along too well when it's just the two of them. A while back, if I hadn't have been there, Magnus would've shot a fire ball at Simon. And with his mark of Cain, they both would've died.

Since he knew that I was coming, I just walked in. As I stepped threw the door, I began to shrug out of my coat and said, "Magnus, I'm-" But I froze. Sitting there on his couch, was a girl with dark brown hair and emerald green eyes that I thought that I'd never see again.

And that, my friends, the reason I fainted.

_OK, I must be going crazy. There's no possible way..._

_She said that she'd never come back here. No matter what. _

_But..who else could that be? I'd recognize those eyes anywhere. But other than that, nothing was the same. Clary had long, red hair. This girl had short brown hair. _

_And that chic was giving off the same thing I felt when I was around Clary. I really don't know how to explain it. Something in my heart was just telling me that this girl was in fact, 100%, Clary._

Voices began to enter my mind. I tried to focus on them, and I was able to tell that it was Simon and Magnus'.

Simon- "So how are we going to tell him?"

Magnus- "I believe that we should just come out and do it. It would be the simplest."

Simon- "But how do you think that he'll react? Because I'm going to tell you right now that I'm not going to let him yell and hurt her. It's not her fault. She was just doing what she believed was right."

My eyes began to flutter and my hand went up to my forehead. Man! Did I have one killer head ache! Magnus' hand touched my face and he asked, "How do you feel?" "I'm good. Just...I think that I saw something that I'm sure wasn't-" I didn't get to finish.

There was a loud crash from the kitchen and Simon-who I hadn't noticed yet-ran at vampire speed. He yelled, "Magnus! Get in here!" After a second of staring at me with eyes full of uncertainty, he nodded to himself and ran off.

I got up carefully and followed. My head hurt, but I've been threw worse. When I finally made it to the kitchen, I saw Simon crouched over a girl...Hey! It was the same girl as before! And without her eyes open, I couldn't tell who she was.

But the girl was convulsing. Simon screamed, "Do something Magnus!" "I've done all I can! Alec!" He looks over at me and continues. "She was poisoned, but I don't know what else to do! She's a Shadow-hunter." Without a second thought, I went over and dropped to my knees next to her.

"I've seen this happen before. What kind of poison was it?" Simon said, "I-I don't know. The demon looked just like a human, except for the smell and the claws." That didn't help much... "Well, what did it smell like?" The girl suddenly went still.

I leaned in and put my face by her mouth. Simon almost screams, "Her heart's not beating!" I work on CRP as I say, "Give her mouth to mouth on my word Simon!...Now!" He did. After a few more mouth to mouths and a few dozen chest compressions, Simon says, "She's breathing again and her heart's pumping. Thank goodness." I sighed.

"Let's get her to the couch and you guys can tell me what happened to her." We all get up off the floor, Simon picking the girl up. As he does, I hear her whisper, "S-Si?" "It's going to be alright. Just rest up Clare-bear." Instantly, I knew the identity of this girl.

There was only one girl who Simon ever, _ever_ called Clare-bear. She was the girl with emerald green eyes and the fiery red hair-that now was brown with blue.

Clary Fray.

* * *

><p>"Are you guys being for real with me?" They nodded.<p>

Magnus placed a hand on my knee. "Sweety, I know that all of this is very hard to believe, but it's the truth. But there is more to the story. It's just a story that's not ours to tell. I'm sure that as soon as Clary wakes up, she'll tell you herself."

All they had told me was that Clary had left and now, she wanted Simon back in her life. The only reason Magnus knew was because she had been poisoned. And that meant that I was going to be told.

Right now, Clary was resting on the couch. Me, Magnus, and Simon were all in the kitchen talking. She needed her rest. The poison had been removed, but the convulsing was a side affect. She'd be just fine when she woke up, as long as she ate something.

As soon as she did though, I was going to demand answers. Why didn't she tell me or my sister that she was pregnant? We would've helped her. And what about Jace? He would've too, wouldn't he? When I had said something about him earlier, Simon growled. What had Jace done? Was he the reason she left?

If he was, I'd have to re-introduce my fist with his face. **((AN-yeah, I spent at least 10 mins trying to figure out a re- word))**

The guys wouldn't tell me anything about how she'd been either. I didn't know where she was staying, or if she had the baby or not. Though, I knew she did. And I didn't know if I had a niece or nephew. Of course, all these things have been what I've been thinking about ever since she left.

I still remember that day...

_Flash back..._

_Today was going great. Everyone was getting along, and later tonight, me, Iz, Mags', and Jace were all going out to the club to hunt. Right now, I was just picking up my clothes off of my floor. And as much as I hated to admit it, I really needed to pick up on some of Jace's neat-freak habits._

_Just when I had sat back down on my bed, my sister yelled, "Clary! Alec! Jace! Dammit get up here and open Clary's door!" I ran. Was she alright? What was going on?_

_I got there just before Jace. But before I could say a word, Jace pushed our sister out of the way and began to ram the door. When he stepped back, I took a turn. After about 4 or 5 hits, it busted open. We all ran in to find the room completely empty._

_Jace looked around, then whispered, "No." No what? He ran to a droor __**(not positive on the spelling, sorry!) **__and ripped it open. Then another. And another. Iz screamed, "What the hell's going on Jace? Where's Clary?" But he acted as if he couldn't hear her. He dropped to his knees and starred at the picture that I had failed to notice until now._

_It was one of him and Clary. His arms were around her and it looked like they were in the park. When I looked up at his face, I knew that what ever had happened between them, it broke him._

_End Flash back..._

The weeks following that day, Jace didn't speak to anyone. It was like Jace Lightwood had died and was replaced with a pathetic look alike. And none of us really knew why. That is, until the day Simon called Izzy.

_Another Flash back..._

_Me and Izzy were in the training room when her phone rang. "Hey Simon. What's up?" Faintly. I could hear him. "Not much. Um, why hasn't Clary called me?" Did she not tell him that Clary had left?_

"_Um, Simon, do you not know?" "Know what? Is something wrong?" "Honey, Clary left. I had went up to her room when I heard something, but her door was locked. The boys broke it dawn and she wasn't in there. But her note was. She left."_

_No one spoke, until he suddenly yelled, "THAT FUCKING BASTERD!" "Simon! Who? What's going on!" Why was he freaking? _

"_He's the fucking reason she left! I should've known this would happen! Dammit!" "Simon, calm down and-" Her eyes widened and turned to me. "He hung up. Alec, do you know what's going on?" "No, but I'm about to find out. Dearest brother of ours is about to answer some questions."_

_Though, before we could get to his room, there was a loud boom from outside, followed by a loud growl. Both me and Ix looked at each other. Were we under attack? _

_I looked out the window and gasped. There, throwing himself against the front doors, was Simon. Ix pushed me out of the way so she could open the window and yell, "Simon! What the hell's going on!" He looked up and yelled in rage, "The bastard made her leave! He didn't want it so she snuck off!" "Want what?" "THE FUCKING BABY!"_

_End Flash back..._

That was when we all began to hate on Jace. Iz hated him, and hated Clary as well-to a degree. Personally, I was didn't hate, per say. Just strongly...Well, I was pissed. Jace should've been a man and been there for his kid.

Simon had told us that she had really wanted the baby, and thought that Jace would be there for her and supported her. And she had told him that if Jace didn't want a baby, then she didn't know what she'd do. She defiantly wasn't going to stay with him, if he didn't want them.

So, either she had the baby or she didn't. Either way, she didn't want us in her life anymore.

But I missed her. She was like my little sister. Hell! She basically was back then! That reason alone was one of the reasons why I don't talk to Jace hardly anymore. Iz does sometimes, but I just up and refuse. Bastard shouldn't have had sex if he hadn't thought about the chance of getting Clary pregnant.

Magnus sighed. "I know that look Alexander. Talk." I ran a hand threw my hair. "It's just...I'm not sure if I'm happy or mad that Clary's here." "Elaborate please?" "I'm happy that she's here and I get to see her again. But I'm also mad that she left. And eventually, she's going to leave again. I'm afraid that when she leaves, I might not see her again. I thought that I wasn't going to before too, but now..."

I shook my head. Simon surprised me by saying, "Now that you're in her life again, and when she finds out that you want to be in it, she'll make sure that you stay in it. Even if it means rare visits." "How do you know?" A small smile appeared on his face as he looked towards the living room. "Because I know my Clary. She didn't want to leave in the first place, she just thought that no one would help her. She didn't want to bring a kid into the world unloved. At the time, she thought that I was the only one that still loved her. And she didn't want to mooch on me, so she left."

It was quiet, as we were all in thought. Until Simon's head cocked to the side and he said, "Stay here for a second Alec." And he ran towards the living room. I turned to Magnus. "What...?" "Clary most likely woke up. And he's most likely telling her you're here and want to talk to her."

Great. I just hope she won't yell. Or run away again.

Just then, Simon calls, "Guys? You can come in now." After a quick peck on the cheek from my boyfriend, we walked to the living room: Me behind Magnus. When the room came into view, I saw her. She looked scared and unsure. So I waved slightly and said, "Hey Clary."

Her eyes widened, but the worried face gave me a slight smile. "Hi Alec." Her voice was defiantly different. A bit deeper and more...mature. I stood there awkwardly, until Simon cleared his throat and said, "Come on Mags, let's go whip up some food for Clary."

When they were gone, I went and sat awkwardly next to Clary. She fiddled with her fingers. _Girl's still the same in some ways. _I was the first to speak. "So how have you been?" She blurted, "I'm sorry!" My eyebrows raised and she continued.

"I'm sorry that I didn't say anything to you about being pregnant. I'm sorry for hurting you by leaving. I just didn't know what to do. I was young, and no one other than Si wanted me to keep the baby. There was no place for me to turn and I-I just-" I put a hand over her mouth.

"Take a deep breath before you hyperventilate. It's OK Clary. Listen, I forgive you. You felt alone and were confused. It's the past and that's all. I don't hold anything against you. We're cool. You did what you thought was best for you and your kid. Who, by the way, I want to get to know."

After a second to take all that I had said in, tears formed in her eyes and she whispered, "R-really?" I nod, smiling. "Really. Now where's my hug?" She basically tackled me and I laughed. After wards, she pulled back and said, "So, what all did they tell you?"

"Not much. But I want to hear your side in all of this, Kay? Full story." She nodded and took a deep breath.

_(CPOV)_

"When I found out that I was pregnant, I was really scared. I...I knew that I wanted to keep the baby though. Like, I knew from the start that it was a product of love. But, I was still scared to tell everyone. What if they thought I was a slut?

So I told Si first. He was mad, but that's cause he's basically my older brother. In the end though, he was happy for me and congratulated me. So, the next person I talked to was Robert, your dad. He was disappointed, but still happy. He talked to me about what I was going to do, and who I was going to tell next. He also told me that if anything happened and I didn't want to stay at the Instatute, I could go to Idris and he'd help me out.

The day after we talked, at breakfast, I told my mom. She...she didn't take it too well." I took a deep breath to steady myself. "She even tried to punch me in my stomach and kill my baby. If it hadn't been for Luke's speed...

Right after, I ran to Simon's. He told me everything would be alright. But he always tells me that.

I had only told four people that I was pregnant and two of them hated me. Would Jace? Would he sill want to be with me and his child?

I was scared. I knew that I needed to tell Jace about our situation before my mother could. So, I left his house and went over to the Institute...

_I knew Jace would be in his room, so I made him a sandwich and went up there. And there he was, still asleep in bed. I sat the sandwich on his night stand and got under the covers with him. His arm instantly came around me to pull me closer. _

_Our faces were inches apart when he finally opened his eyes and said sleepily, "Good morning." "Morning sleepy head." I loved watching him wake up. And the first few minutes after he awakens was the best. Always innocent and peaceful. _

_After a quick kiss, he gets up to go brush his teeth. I stay in his bed and cuddle his pillow. The fear in my heart was starting to get at me. How was I going to tell him that we were going to have a baby? 'Oh, by the way, I brought you a sandwich. And you're going to be a dad.' _

_Arms wrapped around me and Jace said, "Clary, why are you cuddling my pillow and not me?" I laughed slightly and started cuddling him. I guess I surprised him because he said, "What? No quick remark?" "No, I just...have a lot on my mind. Can you just...hold me?"_

_In response, his arms tightened. "Clary, what's wrong? You only ask me to hold you when something's wrong." I didn't answer. I couldn't do this. What if he thinks it's not his? What if he hates me? _

_Jace sat up and put me at arms length. "Clarissa, what's wrong? Did something happen? You have to tell me." I shake my head. "It's fine Jace. It's just...I've been thinking about things. Life, the future...us." His brows come together._

"_Us? What about us?" I hug him and say into his chest, "Have you thought about our future? Getting married...starting a family." Lips kissed my head. "Of course I have. And I intend to do just that, when we're older. Our lives have just started. We have all the time in the world."_

_That's when I start to cry. "What if we didn't?" His hands caressed my face as his worry increased. "What are you talking about? Of course we do. Clary, did something happen? Are you in danger? Please honey, you have to tell me."_

_I stood up. I couldn't do this! Picking up the food, I said, "I made you a sandwich. I-I gotta go." when I tried to get out of the room, he caught my arm. Damn his speed!_

"_Clary! What's going on! Why are you acting like something horrible has happened? What aren't you telling me!" "I'm pregnant!" Shit. Did I just scream that? _

_Jace just...froze up. His fingers were locked on my arm, so I couldn't leave. The look on his face...was something I just wasn't expecting. It was one of pure horror and disbelief. I whispered with a slight smile, "Jace, this is a good thing. You said it yourself that you wanted to start a family."_

_He came back to life. "Yeah, but not now! Clary, you-you're only 17. You can't have a kid now." W-what? "But Jace..._we're _having a baby. Don't tell me that you don't want it." At that exact moment, I realized that THAT was exactly what he meant. He didn't want the baby._

_Mom and Luke wouldn't help me and Jace didn't want the baby. So where did I have to go? Not home and not here. I need to hear Jace say he doesn't want the baby before I know what I'll do next._

"_Jace, are you going to help me with this baby or not?" "Are you honestly telling me that you're willing to give up being a kid to raise one?" I put my fists on my hips. "Are you telling me that you don't want the baby? __Jace, you give me an answer right now. No, you pick right now what you're going to do." My heart was breaking. _

"_We're too young __Clary. Hell, you're just 17!"_

_That was all I needed to hear. _

_"Good-bye Jace. Just remember that you chose this. But don't worry, I'm not going to bother you anymore. Forget I ever even existed. That's what I'm doing." I turned from him and began to walk towards the stairs._

_His voice followed me. It was full of clarity, sarcasm, and confidence. With just the slightest hint of uncertainty and cocky-ness. "You won't leave. You have no where to stay. And you love me too much to do something like that to me."_

By the time I was finished with my story, I was in was frozen. "Please Alec, don't hate me. I'm sorry. And if you hate me too, I-I just don't know what I'll do!"

As I continue to cry, he pulls me into his arms. "Shh Clary. It's going to be fine. I don't hate you. Right now though, I'm really hating the bastard formally known as my brother. You did nothing wrong. In fact, all you did was prove that you're a great mom."

I froze. "D-do you really think that I'm a good mom?" He smiles. "The best. Now, enough with the past. Do I have a nephew or a niece?" I smile. But before I can answer, Si appears and says, "Sorry to break this up, but you need to eat Clary. Don't want you passing out again."

"Kay-Kay. Alec, we can continue this later." And with that, we went to the kitchen.

**After food...**

I stretched in the chair. "Uh! I'm so bored. Can we go out or something?" Si gave me a worried look. "I don't know about that Clary." "Well it's not like I really want to go kick demon butt right now. I meant that I want to get out of the house. How about we go to the park?"

Si looked at Alec, then Magnus. The wizard shrugged. "Let's go. I'm getting tired of staying inside anyhow. Clary, I think we should change your bandages though, before we leave." "OK." Si and Alec turned around and Magnus went to work.

I wasn't paying attention until Magnus gasped, "Clary, have you used a rune on your wound?" "Uh, no, why-" But I saw it. Well, there was no it. There wasn't _anything_ on my stomach. No scratches, no scars, no anything except my smooth, regular stomach.

The boys came over and Alec said, "Uh, I didn't do that either." While everyone else was worried about why I had healed so quickly-myself included-Si said, "Hey Clary, maybe it's a new ability." I chuckled. Good old Simon to make me laugh when things seem bad.

**At the park**

As Si parked his car by the park, he came and opened my door. I didn't think much of it until he picked my up and put me on his back. "Simon Lewis, you put me down this instant! I don't need to be carried!" He laughed and kept walking. "Forget it Clary. And besides, when's the last time you got me to give you a piggy back ride? Just enjoy it."

He did have a point...,Oh well. "Hi-Ho Simon! Away!" As he jogged, I heard someone scream, "SIMON FUCKING LEWIS! YOU HAD BETTER START EXPLAINING!" He froze and I turned around to see who yelled.

I saw a women with jet black hair and hills that were no less then seven inches coming towards us. I became frozen with realization. The reason this women knew Simon was because she was Isabel Lightwood. My old best friend.

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><p><em>oooh! just so ya know, i would've kept writing, but i though you might like all this. it'll be a bit before the next chapter's up cause i'm going to but a certain someone in it. and his name rhymes with Mace :) :) :)<em>


	10. Drama, Drama, a Traitor, and Drama

_1st off, Happy Holidays &/or Merry Christmas everyone! Yeah, I worked on this chapter almost all day and now, at 1:12 in the morning, I've finished! Here's my gift to you guys! 3 3 Longest chapter yet 3 3_

_P.S. thanks to all of you who have added this as ur fave story or me as ur fave author. :}D_

_P.S.S this story's un beta-ed. if ya wanna take up the challenge, PM me_

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_I saw a women with jet black hair and hills that were no less then seven inches coming towards us. I became frozen with realization. The reason this women knew Simon was because she was Isabelle Lightwood. My old best friend._

She walked up-more like stalked-with her arms crossed. As soon as she got to us, she yelled, "What the fuck Simon! So this is the trap you're cheating on me with?" He set me down and pleaded, "Please, let me explain. It's not what it-" Her slap cut him off, followed by her screams.

"Don't you dare say It's not what it looks like because it is! Why else you she be on your back? Why else would you leave? Yes, I know that that whole little trip wasn't for some dammed mission for Raphael. Now you have five seconds to tell me the truth before I run my blade threw your cheating heart." Instead of freaking, he smirks and glares.

"You must really be unsure of my feelings for you if you'd think that I would cheat on you. And if I wanted to be with another girl, then I would've when I heard about when you were with that fairy dude! Dammit Isabelle! I wouldn't lie to you if you didn't to me!"

"Well if you're not cheating on me then who the hell is she!" Her finger points to me while her eyes never leave Si. From the slight pause, I could tell the he didn't know what to tell her. So I stepped up and said, "Iz, it's me. Clary."

For just a moment, I saw the look of pure hope and pain. That quickly vanished and she growled, "How the hell do you know about her? Did _he_ tell you? I swear to angel Simon, if you told her-" I yelled, "I'm not dating Simon! I know about her because I _am_ her! I'm Clarissa Fray!"

She looked at me with a murderous glare. The glare turned to a focused look, the she smirked. "You can't fool me you little trap. Clary had curly red hair, not shit brown with blue." Now, as much as I cared for her, she was starting to really piss me off.

"First off, don't call my hair shitty. Second, I am _not_ a tramp. And lastly, if I wasn't Clary, then how would I know that your rule on shoes is 'no less than seven inches'? Or how I know that your dad gave you your whip on your 12th birthday?"

This threw her. Only her family, Si, and I knew about that. But I continued before she could say anything. "You would always dress me up when we went hunting because everything I had wasn't sexy enough. Too simple. And you can't cook, that's why the boys would always go to Taki's. I remember when you tried to make meatloaf, you ended up having a food fight with the boys. When I walked in, all you could say was, 'Don't ask. Just go get Taki's.' Izzy, look at my eyes. Who else has freaky green emerald eyes? Who else knows you that you love sugar cookies with a passion?"

That was all it took to convince her. She took one step away from Si and towards me. She inspected me, trying to realize that I was really here, and not fake. In fact, she whispered, "I-it's really you?" I nod. "Yes. It's really me." _Maybe this is going to be easier than I thought. _

But I though wrong. She screamed, "Where the hell have you been! Why the fuck did you leave us!" "Izzy, I'm so sorry. Please, let me explain. And if you're still mad at me after wards, then you can yell at me and hit me and anything else. Just...please. Please let me tell you why I left and my story. I'm begging you. And I promise that if you still hate me...then I'll never bother you again."

You know that saying, 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'? Well, it's true. I hadn't realized that I missed her so much until now. She was my sister before, and I had hurt her.

Minutes went by before a word was said. Finally, with a huff, she said, "Fine. But I swear, if you're lieing to me, or if you don't tell me _everything,_ then I'll make sure that you can't eat food unless it's threw a straw." I don't know if I was more happy that she was giving me a chance to explain, or more scared knowing that she'd actually make good on her threat.

Simon, who I had forgotten about being there, said, "We can go to my place to talk. Should I go get the boys?" Magnus' voice said, "No need. We'll meet you there." Izzy's last words before the quiet ride was, "This had better be a dammed good explanation if my brother, his boyfriend, and my soon-to-be-ex knew about it before me."

_**Simon's house...**_

Iz flops on Si's couch and puts her hands behind her head and says, "OK, start explaining. Leave out nothing." So I did just that. And when it came to some parts towards the end, Si, Magnus, and Alec helped me out.

"...And before we could go in the park to finish telling my story to Alec, you saw us." She knew everything now. Well, other than my four kids.

"I...think get it." I went over and sat next to her. Cautiously, I placed a hand on her knee. "I'm so sorry for leaving Izzy. I just...didn't want you and Alec to hate me too. I couldn't take it." It would've killed me, I know. And I honest to angel don't know what I would've done.

Iz had her face tilted down so that I couldn't see her face. But her voice was quiet as she said, "You're so stupid." W-what? "What are you talking about?" "You thought that I would really hate you? _You!_" She looked up now with tears in her eyes as she continued. "I could never hate you Clary. You're like my little sister. And you thought I'd hate you for leaving Jace and us."

The next thing I realized was that we were holding each other and crying our eyes out.

Words couldn't express how happy I was. She forgave me. She really, honestly forgave me. And here we were, crying like two little girls. That is, until Magnus had to be himself and say, "Alright girls, enough with the water works. Little Clary still has to tell some of her story."

Izzy pulled away and raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh really? Care to share?" "Wait, what? What did I miss?" Si, being ever so helpful, said, "You didn't tell her or Alec about your angel spawn." I shook my head at his choice of words. So Simon...

"Well, yeah. About that. So, you know that I was pregnant, and that I didn't have an abortion." I paused for dramatic effect. Alec demands, "Yes yes, we get that. Do I have a niece or a nephew?" I giggled. "Actually, I believe that Si over there would like to tell you."

He glared playfully at me. "Cruel Fray, cruel. But, just for the info, I have two nephews and two nieces." Now, I have to be completely honest. The look on their faces was purely P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S! Their jaws dropped, their eyes widened. And, in all truths, I thought Alec was going to faint again.

Iz, on the other hand, whispered in complete and utter shock, "Um, uh, care to repeat that?" I sighed, feeling sorry for them, and clarified, "When I was pregnant, I found out that I was having triplets. There's Elliot, Simon, and Melody. Then, my best friend Adreona had a baby. But...she died having her. So since I'm her legal godmother, I adopted her and named her Lillian. So, yeah, four kids."

After convincing them that the reason that I named my second born after Si, and promising them that they would get to meet them sometime, we came to a crucial point in the discussion when Iz said, "What are you going to do about Jace?"

What was I going to do? Now that I knew that Alec, Izzy, and Simon would want to be in the kids' lives, I'd have to find a way to do that while keeping Jace out of the loop. He made his choice. He was the one who didn't want the kids.

I got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink. And I'm not talking about water. When I was looking threw the cabinets, I said, "Well, I don't want him in my, or my kids' lives. Now, I really want you all to be in, but you all have to promise me something. You can't tell him anything."

By now, they all were slowly entering the kitchen. And I had still yet to find the alcohol. Izzy surprised me by saying, "Well, that's all fine. For now." I turned to her. "What do you mean?" "At this current moment in time, none of us knows where he is. Have these boys told you nothing?"

I put my hands on my hips and gave them my 'mom stare'. "I believe so. Now, boys, I want answers. What haven't you told me?" One by one, they began to tell me about how after I had left, Jace was never the same. And after a few months, he ventured out on his own.

Of course, he still checked in once in a while. Calls mostly, but once in a while a visit. The last time he'd came was six months ago. He'd been on the Pacific Coast. I asked why he had left and all I got was, "He said there were too many memories here."

Alec sighed. "That, and there was something else. But he wouldn't tell anyone." Finally, after everything, I growled at Si and demanded, "Simon Lewis, you had better have some kind of alcohol in this place. I need a drink. _Now._" My best friend smirked and bumped my hip. "I like this new Clary. And I believe that she's right. I think we should go to Pandemonium."

Now, who would've guessed that Si would be the one to object first? Well, you're wrong. Alec barked, "No!" "And why not?" I huffed and said, "Because I got hurt last time. But, we aren't even going to hunt. Just drink. Please Alec? I swear I won't kill anything." Then I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Sighing and smiling, he says, "Fine, but I want to know something. I know you called home and told them that you were going to stay here a few more days then planned, but what are you going to do after? And what about us?"

Man, why does he kill my mood? "Well, I...want you guys-all of you-to be in their lives. And since Jace isn't here...I suppose that I could bring the kids over. Or you can come visit us. But I'm serious when I say that you all have to keep us a secret. You can't even tell your mom. Yes, I know your dad knows, but something's telling me that if Maryse found out, it wouldn't be good."

I hated to admit that, but...I just didn't want to chance it. Not that I had anything against her, it was just something my heart was telling me.

They all nodded. Izzy squealed and clapped her hands. "I can't _wait_ till I get to go baby shopping! By the time I'm done with them, they'll be the most adorable-est Shadow-hunter babies in the world!" Alec smiled and held up his hands.

"Whoa whoa whoa there! You are not making my nephews, 'adorable-est'. They're going to be strong, handsome young men." I laughed and joined in. "Yes, and by the way, if I catch you trying to but my girls in some type of training hills, I'm gonna break all of yours." She actually looked scared.

"You wouldn't!" "Oh, I would. Now, why are we discussing this when we could be drinking? I only have three more days before I go back to mom mode."

_**At Pandemonium...**_

Because I hadn't drank in months, I kept it to a minimum. And so did the others. Well, Alec and Izzy got a bit tipsy, but nothing bad. We danced and enjoyed ourselves until 11pM. At that time, we all went to the Instatute. Iz and Si shared a her room, Alec and Magnus shared his, and I got a one. Not my old one either. That was just too painful.

_I was in a field. The sky was cloudy, as if it was about to rain. I looked around. Why was I here? I was just home, playing with my kids. _

"_Hello again." _

_I turned. There, around 10 feet away, was Sebastian. Why was he here? "What are you doing here?" He smirks. "And here I thought you'd open your arms and hug me." Slowly, be began to circle me. But why? Why was he here? And where were my kids?_

"_Sebastian, why are you here? What do you want?" "You know what I want. Now, dearest sister, I'd like you to see who I found." Suddenly, I see a sight that makes me sick to my stomach._

_There's a cage. And my family's in it. Both my families. All of them look scared to death. Before I can do or say anything though, Sebastian says, "And look-y what I have in cage number 2." I turn to him and my heart just...crashed. Because there, in the cage in his arms, are my kids._

_I scream, "Let my kids go!" He just laughs. "Give me your wings." I growled again. "Let. My. Kids. Go!" His smirking face turns to an evil smile. "As you wish." He spins, and throws the cage._

_No matter how fast I am, no matter how much I pushed my legs, I wasn't fast enough. _

_The cage hit the ground, tumbled, and finally, stopped. My world crashed as I saw my kids, not moving. Blood ran from the cage onto the ground. Still no movement from inside the cage. _

I shot up in bed screaming, "NOOO!" My kids! Where were they? My door flies open and Simon runs to my side almost yelling, "What's wrong!" My breathing was deep and heavy as realization came over me. _Just a dream. It was just a dream. Your kids are safe. Your family's safe. Sebastian's dead, remember? He died all those years ago._

By now, when I looked up from my lap, I saw everyone else in the room. Si held my face in his hands and says, "Are you OK? What happened?" "N-nothing. Bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you guys up. Go back to bed. I'm fine."

Izzy came over to me and basically pushed Simon out of the way. Wiping my tears that I didn't know I was shedding, she speaks softly. "Clary, do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head. That nightmare was just too painful to even think about.

I whispered, "Can-can we just forget this ever happened?" Slowly, everyone nodded and Iz said, "Alright. Now, since the sun's starting to rise, I say we go to Taki's and get some breakfast." Just the thought of their chocolate waffles made my mouth water.

_**After breakfast, back at the Instatute...**_

"Hey, Simon, can I borrow your phone? I wanna check up on the kids. They should be home from camping now." Yeah, my phone was dead and I had still yet to charge it. Plus, it was at Si's.

He hands me it and I dial. **Ring...ring...ring... "**Hello?" "Hey, Lucas. How'd things go with the kids?" "Great. The boys caught this huge fish that we had for dinner last night. And, well...Mel won't eat fish anymore. But I can explain!" What!

"What happened?" "Well, when I took the boys fishing, she wanted to come too. I let her and she saw how we killed them. I tried to make her turn away, but as soon as she realized that the fish was dead, she started crying. As soon as we got back this morning, I bought her a huge stuffed panda. That made her forget. Oh, um Roe...I don't think we'll be able to have fish for dinner any time soon."

I sighed. My baby girl was a sensitive girl. She cried if something died, or if she saw someone swat a fly. Don't misunderstand though, she's one tough girl. When she scratched her knee when she falls, she never cries. She just runs to someone-usually one of her brothers-and we kiss it and make it better.

Her brothers, well, they're just like their...father. In the over-protective way. It was so adorable! And actually, when they were babies, if Melody would cry, Simon and Elliot would join her until they were on either side of her. And when Lilly was littler, they made sure someone was with her at all times.

"It's OK Lucas. I know my girl. And no fish is cool. When I get back, you want me to make my special dinner?" He gasped in disbelief. "Really?" I could almost see his 21 year old face turn back in to a five year old on Christmas. I laughed. "Yes. I promise. But you have to make sure there's enough ingredients for me to make lots. I just might have some friends coming over."

Izzy squealed, Alec smiled hugely, Si smirked, and even Magnus smiled slightly. Lucas asked, "Uh, Roe, what was the noise?" Again, I laughed. "Just my friend. I'll explain when I get home. Are the kids up yet?" Usually, they either all woke up early, or slept in late.

"Um, I think they're up. At least, I know Maddy went to check on them a bit ago. Hold on a sec." In the background, I heard his feet as they jogged up the stairs and threw the halls. Then a door opened and someone 'shh-ed'. The door closed back and he whispered, "Sorry sweets, but they're still sleeping."

I sighed. "It's OK. And what did I say about calling me sweets? You know my name, and you know that I can be anything except sweet. Do you not remember what happened when I was pregnant and you tried to make those cookies?" Yeah, he made them alright. About 15 different times. It's not my fault they all tasted like dirt and chocolate!

"Uh...fine. Sorry Roe. I won't call you sweets again. Now, I gotta go." "Fine, bye Lucas." "Love ya emerald." He hung up before I could correct him. Great. Back to the old nickname.

As I handed Si back his phone, Magnus said, "Clary, may I ask why this Lucas boy told you that he loves you?" I scratched the back of my neck nervously. "Well, um, it's complicated." Iz put her hands on her hips and said, "UN-complicate it."

In the end, after futile arguments, I ended up telling them everything.

When I was pregnant, Lucas and Adreona were my left and right hand. And, when I needed a shoulder to cry on, they were there. Adreona was my sister, and he my brother. That is, until things started to change. Lucas and I started to become closer then before.

When I felt so unloved, and so unwanted, he made sure that he made me change those feelings. Every night, he'd rub my feet or put lotion on my ever expanding stomach. We connected on a level that was...how do I put it? Bearable? Livable?

I know that he loves me, he already told me so before the kids were born. And I love him. But...it's just...I'll never be able to fully...commit myself in another relationship. I'll always want Jace. He was, is, and always will be, the one and only love of my life. Sure, that love is buried under mountains of hate, but it's still there. And not that I'm vocally admitting it either.

That's why what Lucas and I have is extra special. He loves me in a way that I never thought that someone could love another. He loves me in whatever way I need. Be it as a brother, an ally, or more. All he wants is my happiness. Mine and my kids'.

When I was done with my story, Si was the first to speak. His voice was soft, astonished. "I wondered why he acted the way he did around you and the kids." I nod sadly. As I look at the floor, I whisper, "He even offered to marry me and say my kids were his to protect my name."

Lucas was the sweetest man in the world. For that alone, he'll always be in my life. And when it came time when my kids would ask who their father was, I'd tell them Lucas. Of course, when they'd get older, I'd tell them the truth.

"Clary, you'll have to tell Jace that he was children." My eyes flashed to Magnus in shock. Was he out of his gay sparkly mind? And how dare he tell me that I'll even have to talk to the man! "I don't believe you have any say in the matter Magnus and I suggest that if you like the ability to talk, you'll keep your opinions to yourself."

Now he glares at me. "Don't threaten me little girl. Do not forget that if it wasn't for me, you'd be dead right now." I stood up. "And don't you forget that I can make a rune to turn your sparkly ass into actual sparkles." He jumped to his feet. You could just feel power beginning to seep out of him.

In a flash, he was in front of me with a fist full of my shirt. "You listen to me Clarissa, and you listen well. I might feel pity towards you for what you've went threw, but do not think that I won't kill you right here and now if you threaten me again. I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn. I am hundreds of years old, and I have killed before. And I will _not_ be threatened by a _child."_

I stared into his cat eyes. There was no way that I was going to be afraid of him. So I whispered back, "And I will not have you tell me what I will and will not do. I might not be all powerful like you, and I'm far from perfect, but I will not allow _any_one to tell me that I'm going to tell the man that betrayed me and my trust that he has kids. I'm not the same Clary as before, and I refuse to be treated like it. I'm a mom first, and I will literally _kill_ anyone and anything to protect my children."

With that, I stepped back and headed towards the front door. I needed fresh air. "Don't follow me." On my way out, I grabbed a blade and a stele. Wasn't going unprotected, was I?

_**At the park...**_

_**CRASH!**_

There going another one. My fifth tree, in fact. Have you ever just attacked a tree out of anger? Come on, you know you've wanted to. Well, take my advise when I say that as stupid as it sounds, it _does_ take your anger away. Plus, I mean, when ya gotta punch something, you gotta punch something.

As I sat on the ground, taking deep breaths, I realized thatmost of my anger had passed now, but I needed to just...relax. Take a break. Coming back to New York was suppose to be a vacation, but it's starting to turn into a hell hole. _What I need is my life to finally calm down. All these years, that's all I've been trying to do. When Jace broke me, I had to pick up the pieces and go on. Now, my old life is coming back and I'm starting to break again. And Jace isn't even here this time! _

"You OK Clary?"

I turned and saw Si a few feet away. He looked scared to come any closer. "I'm fine Si. It's just...Gah! He pisses me off! Who does he think he is? And I am not a child!" My fingers ran threw my hair. He sat down beside me and claimed my hand in his. He smiles lightly at me. "I know. If anyone is, it's me. I am still 16." I gave his hand a squeeze and leaned on his shoulder.

"So, why did you follow me? Know that I wouldn't hurt you?" "Well, that, and I was worried about you. I've only seen you get so pissed that you whisper less than a handful of times." I shrug. "Yeah, well, I haven't gotten that mad since before the Trips were born."

Before another word was said, his phone started ringing. "Hello? Um, hold on." He hands me the phone.

"Um, hello?" "Roe, look, something's wrong." Mike. "Mike, what is it? Are the kids OK?" _Oh god, if something happened to them... _"They're fine. But listen, we just got a message from the Clave. There's something going on and they're calling all of age Shadow-hunters to go to Idris immediately." What?

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" "No. Look, can you come home and open a portal for us?" I stood up. "Yeah, I'm on my way. Who's gonna watch the kids?" "Sam. I gotta go. See you when you get here Roe." "Kay-Kay."

I hand Si his phone as I dig in my pocket for my stele. "Call the others and tell them not to come up to m when we get there. They don't know Rowena Carter. I gotta go Si. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on, Kay?" He nods. "Kay. Please be careful Clary. And don't do anything I wouldn't do." Jokingly, I say, "So anything?" Shaking his head, laughing slightly, he says, "Get out of here."

One last hug, and I'm walking threw my portal.

_**In Idris...**_

As soon as I got home, my family was ready to go. All they did was stand up and walk threw.

When we were in Idris, the first think I do is put in my contacts. I wore them so that no one would have the chance to recognize me because of my freaky green eyes.

When I was done, we followed the other Shadow-hunters. As we walked, we stayed close and spoke low. Maddy and Mike were in the lead with Erik and Joe on their flanks. Lucas and I held up the rear.

Maddy said, "Whatever has happened, it's not good." Agreed. Erik followed up with, "Maybe humans found us out. And they want us to stay in Idris." Possibly. Though, highly unlikely. Something in the air just told me that something wasn't right. Something was just...very wrong.

As we all gathered in the Halls, the level of sound increased. I pulled my family close and said, "Something's not right. Do y'all feel it too?" They nodded and I continued. "I just...I know it's bad, but this feeling of...doom just won't go away." I wanted my kids. This feeling made me fear for them.

Suddenly, a low, booming voice said, "Silence!" The sound stopped and we all turned to the middle of the room. A collective gasp was made at the realization of who was was the cause of this emergency meeting. All 11 members of the Council, the Inquisitor, and the 7 Consul members **((AN-I really don't know how many are in each one))** were up front.

The Inquisitor-Kyle Scott-steps forward and speaks to us all. "Shadow-hunters! Thank you for coming today. Now, I know you all are wondering why you are here today. As you all know, we all share the blood of the Angel Raziel. You also know that we do not take traitors lightly. The Silent Brothers have some to us and told us some disturbing news.

They have seen something that will affect the fate every single one of us here. There will be a traitor among us who will tell our secrets to a demon. A Great Demon who shall be stronger than any other. All we know about the traitor is that they are female and is of age. Today, we shall find out who she is and they will be punished servilely.

Men, although you are in the clear, you are not aloud to go back to your homes until this is done and over with. And, I suggest that if any of you know of an of age Shadow-hunter that is not here at this very moment, you send them a fire message and tell them to get here. This is because at the end of this, any unchecked female who is not here will be considered a traitor and will be chained.

Ladies, if your last name begins with A threw F, please go threw the doors to my right. Ladies with last names of G threw L, the doors to my left. M threw R, to the back and to the right. And finally, S threw Z, in the back to the left."

Everyone began to walk around to their directed doors. I hug my family and walk away. Maddy's last name was Mathews, she went to the back. Then men all were to stay just outside the Halls and wait until the interrogations were done.

_**After the questioning...**_ **((See Bottom))**

Everyone was called back into the Halls. I wasn't nervous because my family was clean. We were all loyal to the Clave. The only thing I was worried about was that if someone I knew turned out to be the traitor. As far as I knew though, everyone was good.

The Inquisitor spoke and we all listened intently. "Thank you all for your cooperation. Now, in exception to the following people, you all may go home. Will the following people please come to the room to my right. Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood, Robert Lightwood, Jace Wayland, **((I wasn't sure which to put.)) **and Rowena Carter."

Oh. Shit. **(((since it's Christmas, I kept writing 3))))**

Lucas froze next to me. Well, all my family froze.

Shit. Oh shit. Jace...he was...he was here. And I had to be in the same room as him.

Oh shit.

Lucas grabbed my face in his hands and made me look at him as he whispered, "It's OK. You're going to be fine Roe. You're stronger, remember? You. Can. Do. This. Just listen to what they have to say, answer their questions, and come back to me. Now go, before they come and get you."

His lips peck mine and I nod. He was right. I was stronger. I can do this. My family all nod at me and I nod back. A deep breath, and I start walking towards the door. They all had faith in me. Lucas thought I could handle this, so I had to trust in his faith.

When I entered the room, my heart was already freezing in my chest. I saw them, with their backs facing me. From my left to right, there was Alec, Jace, Izzy, and Robert. Wait, where was Maryse? She had kept the Lightwood name.

I stood next to Robert and looked dead ahead. _Calm breaths Clary. No, Roe. Clary wasn't called for this. Clary's gone. Just relax an stay focused. There's a reason you were called in here with the Lightwoods. And there's a reason why Maryse isn't here._

Kyle nodded to us all. "Thank you for being here. Now, I know you're wondering why you were chosen out of everyone here. If you have not figured it our yet, Maryse Lightwood isn't here. Also, if you haven't figured out, the traitor is in fact her.

You may be wondering how we know this. It isn't because she wasn't here that we know. It's because we found yet another female who knew that she was a disgrace to us. She's been deceiving us for going on five years now. Her not being here just confirmed our thoughts. You all were pulled aside because you are and or were parts of her life within the past five years.

You are going to tell us when the last time you had contact with her. We will know if you lie, and if so, you will be punished. Alexander, please begin."

I didn't look at him. Just forward. "I last saw my mother around a month ago. That was also the last time I spoke with her. We spoke about how I had been and how things were at home. She spoke nothing about what she was doing or where she was."

Kyle nodded. "Jonathon, you may speak." Shit. I didn't even want to hear his voice. It'd hurt too much. And boy, did it hurt. "I haven't had any contact with Maryse in almost three years. I left my family to travel on my own almost three years ago as well."

Short, sweet, and simple. And oh so painful. His voice sounded deeper than before. Less cocky too. But, I must say that I was proud of myself when I only flinched when he began.

Kyle nodded and turned his gaze to Izzy. "Isabelle, begin." "My mother last contacted me two weeks ago telling me that she wouldn't be able to come and see me on my birthday next month. She didn't say why, just that she loved me and to tell my brother that she loved him too."

Robert was next. "I contacted Maryse a week ago, asking her if she could meet me at my home here in Alicante . I wanted to discus our daughters' birthday. Though, I couldn't reach her. Not by fire message, at least." Kyle nodded again.

And finally, he turns to me with a small smirk. "Ah, Miss Rowena Carter. I am quite interested in hearing your tale." Ooh! I just wanted to smack that smirk off his face! But I didn't. I took a deep breath and told the truth.

"I haven't had any contact with her in three years. As far as I knew, she lived her in Alicante." I head a slight intake of breath to my far left as I spoke, but paid no attention to it. I stared at Kyle because as soon as I finished, he nodded. But that little smirk grew just a bit."Very well. Oh, Rowena. Dear, I must ask you something. I have heard quite a lot about you since I became Inquisitor a little over a year ago. And I must ask you if you know of a rune for Foresight."

There wasn't-No. Shit. Dammed, fudging bastard! _He's try to get me to say who I really am! That no good-Chill Roe. Don't let him get to you. Play it cool. _With my poker face on, I said respectively, yet with a slight ounce of acid, "Why don't you check the Gray Book, Inquisitor."

"But my dear, I've heard about your specialty with finding and memorizing runes. Would you be willing to help the Clave find a rune for foresight?" It took everything I had to bite my tongue and not cuss him out. "If the Clave so wishes it, I would be more than happy to oblige. I know this said rune and I can show it to you right now. After wards, may I go home, Inquisitor?"

"Of course my dear. Please, step forward and draw the rune on me. You have a stele, correct?" I nod and walk quickly to him. He holds out his hand and I grit my teeth as I say, "It has to be drawn close to the head, preferably on the shoulders." With this, he pulls at the cloak's shoulder, turns his back to me, and says, "Please, continue."

I draw quickly and quietly. My eyes close as I concentrate. Swirls and lines, all from my head. No, I didn't just make this up. I had made it about a year ago. But I hadn't used it in just as long.

When I finish, I step back and say, "It won't instantly work. You must focus on whatever you want to see and it will be shown. The rune is not permanent and will have to be re-drawn if you wish to use it again. After you have seen what you want, you will feel weak and should take things easy for at least an hour. May I go home now, Inquisitor sir?"

"Yes. You all are dismissed. Thank you, Miss Carter." I turn from him and bee line it towards the door. My head was tilted just enough so that my face was slightly covered my my hair. When I passed the others, I didn't stop. But I did hear their foot steps as they followed me out.

The doors began to opened ever so slowly and I quickened my step. But I had to stop when the doors weren't open enough to go threw yet. _Just a few more feet. Just a few more feet. You're almost out of here girl. Almost home free. _No sooner than I had thought that, Jace's voice carried to my ears. "Hey, Rowena. Wait a minute." I froze and didn't answer.

"Rowena, do I...know you?" Great. Just fudging great! He was almost behind me! I spoke low. "No. I've never met you." Shit! My voice didn't sound low at all! All of a sudden, he's in front of me, looking me straight in the eyes. _Please contacts, don't fail me now!_ Slowly, his eyes go from questioning, to confusion, to finally, cautious. "Clary?"

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><p><em>don't hate me for the cliffy! and sorry for all the skipping around in the times. <em>

_About the little note in there with the questioning, i was just to happy to write Jace in to write that part. But I'll make a little one-shot type thing with it if you guys want. It'd be a pleasure 3_

_you guys make my day! and the more reviews i get, the happier i am. which means longer chaps, or faster updates 3 !_


	11. Why u cwyin momma?

_Previously..._

"_Rowena, do I...know you?" Great. Just fudging great! He was almost behind me! I spoke low. "No. I've never met you." Shit! My voice didn't sound low at all! All of a sudden, he's in front of me, looking me straight in the eyes. Please contacts, don't fail me now! Slowly, his eyes go from questioning, to confusion, to finally, cautious. "Clary?"_

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><p>In just a second, my mind went over every possible answer that I could think of. <em>My name's Rowena, not Clary. <em>

_Get out of my face you creep. _

_Hi, it's me, how have you been? _

Do I admit that I'm Clary? Do I not? Should I just walk away and forget that this ever happened? _No, I can't forget. It's _Jace. But...I can't take a chance at letting him back into my heart. He'll just break it again. But I'm an adult now. I can't just run from my problems anymore.

So I did the most unthinkable thing. I did the thing I had sworn that I would never do. I said, "Hello Jace." His eyes popped even more. Before another word was said, I said, "Good bye Jace." And walked out of the now opened doors.

My steps were quick as I tried to get further myself from him. I saw my family. They all gave me worried stares. Well, Lucas was staring past me with a worried, yet knowing half glare. At the moment I realized this, Jace said, "Clary! Wait!" No. No way. My stele was in my hand. I was gripping that thing so tight, it was a wonder it didn't snap. I was getting ready to start drawing the portal rune.

"Clary!" Without looking back, I said, "Leave me alone Jace. I don't want you in my life." I could tell that he wasn't right behind me, but I still quickened my step. As soon as I was at the others, they began to walk with me and Lucas put his arm around me.

Briefly, we had to stop so that I could draw the rune. My family surrounded me. I heard Jace again, say, "Clary, please! Wait!" The scream that i just couldn't hold anymore came out. "I said leave me alone!" Within thee seconds of saying that, I had just about finished my runes.

"Clary, please, can we please-" Lucas said coldly, "She doesn't want to talk to you, so I suggest you shut the hell up before I hurt you." The rune was two strokes away from being finished when Jace said, "And who the hell are you?" "Sure as hell not the guy who didn't have the balls to stay with the girl he got pregnant." I stepped quickly through the portal and the others followed.

My feet wouldn't stop. Not when I made it home, not when I went up the stares. In all truth, I didn't even know where I was going. Until I recognized the kids' room. First thing I saw was all the kids playing with their toys on the floor. Sam smiled. "Hey Roe. How'd it-What happened?" I didn't answer. Instead, I got onto the floor and pulled all my kids to me in a huge hug.

_My kids. Mine and mine alone. Jace will never find out about you four. Ever. _Simon tugged on my shirt and said, "Momma, wat wong?" God! I couldn't even speak because I was so afraid that I'd burst out in tears. Or worse. But I had to convince them that nothing was wrong.

So I whispered, "Nothing babies. Momma just...had a bad day." I looked up at Sam and whispered also, "Thanks for watching them. I got it now." He just nods, understanding that I needed to be with my kids, and leaves.

Elliot pulled away from me. His tiny hands wiped at my face. I was crying. That little lip began to quiver as he said, "Why u cwyin' momma?" I looked at the rest of my kids' faces. Angel! They were all the same face as their brother!

What other choice did I have then to suck it up until I calmed down enough to go to my room?

I smiled and kissed each of their noses/foreheads. "Everything's fine sweeties. Mommy just had a bad day. She saw someone... Well, you know how you all can't wait to see Santa every year at Christmas? For momma, this..person was the opposite. He really hurt me before you kids were born and I can't forgive him. Hey, how would y'all like to help me make cookies?"

For just a second, there was question in their looks, but it quickly turned to excitement at the work cookies. The Trips started running to the kitchen and I picked up Lilly. "Don't run!" But I was laughing. This was exactingly what I had needed.

_**In the Kitchen...**_

We made at least four dozen cookies. Chocolate chip, peanut butter, sugar, and snicker-doodles. Plus what ever dough was left. After all the kids had their fill of cookies, I set them to the play room with Joe while I started dinner.

As promised, I made my special dinner. An entirely homemade dinner of ravioli and meat sauce, garlic bread, and a salad. Sure, it took over four hours to prepare the dough for the pasta and the bread, but oh well. Everything was on the table and I was just finishing the salad when Lucas came in the kitchen.

"Need a hand?" "No, I got it. Thanks though." There was silence for a minute, until he said, "Roe, about earlier-" I shook my head. "No. Don't start Lucas. I am not talking about it. Can you set this on the table while I go change?" I left him in there.

I put on my comfy clothes-sweats and a baggy t shirt-and went to get the kids. But they weren't in their room or the play room. _Maybe Joe already brought them down to the kitchen. _So I went down there. Surely enough, they were all seated. But my family gave me worried looks.

_**After dinner...**_

"That was a good meal Roe. I'll get the dishes." I shook my head. "I got them Erik. Thanks though. There's cookies in there too that the kids and I made earlier. He put a hand on my shoulder and said softly, "You've had a hard day and I think you should-"

My slammed plate stopped him mid sentence. "I'm fine! And I do not want to talk about it. Now, after the dishes, I'm putting the kids down. Please tell the others to keep it down." I left. So what if I didn't want to talk about today? I had reason not to.

True to my word, after I washed up, I put the kids down. They were already tired at dinner, so that was easy. When I tucked Melody in, she whispered in her shy voice, "Momma not weave again?" kissing her nose, I whispered back, "Not if I can help it. Good night sweetie girl."

After, I went and cleaned the kitchen. _Maybe I'll call Si and-crap! I left all my stuff at Si's! _Should I even go get it? He'd keep it safe, right? And maybe Jace left. _You're such an idiot! Oh course he's not leaving. You're here, and it was obvious that he wants to talk._

I needed my phone. That was simple. But I also couldn't chance calling Si and having Jace know that we're talking. Wait. Had the others told him that I had been up there? Did he just think that it was pure and utter coincidence?

Finally, knowing that there was no way that I could leave my phone there, I went to find one of the boys. Not Mike or Lucas-especially not him. Jace heard him. So I went to Sam. He'd be willing to call Si, right? And Si will know it's me cause of the area code.

Sam was in his room playing his PlayStation. "Knock knock." He looks up smiling. "Hey ya Roe. What's up?" "I was wondering if you'd call Si for me and see if it's safe to go get my things. Since, you know, they're all at his house."

"Sure thing. Just let me save this real quick...OK." He jumped up and went to his night stand and dialed on his phone. After a second, he said, "Hey, is Simon there?"-pause-"You got a minute man? It's Sam." and a second later, he says, "OK, here's Roe." I take the phone.

"Hey Si. I was just wondering if I could come over and get my stuff?" "Sure. Now's good if you want. I'm home. Look, I don't know what happened in Idris, but I personally punched the the bastard in the face as soon as I saw him." I would've laughed, but being reminded that Jace is there just hurt.

"That's cool. So I can come over right now? It's safe?" "Totally. But Izzy's coming over in a bit. Can't be in the same building as you know who." I could totally understand. "That's cool. So, I'll be over in a few. Bye Si." "See you soon."

I handed Sam back his phone. "Thanks. Hey, um, I might be gone for a little while, Kay? I want to talk to Izzy." His eyebrows raised. "Wait, Izzy? As in, Isabelle Lightwood? The black haired chic from earlier?" I nod. "Yeah. We're friends again. Great timing, right? Well, yeah, if the others ask, you know where I'll be." With a nod, I leave.

Yeah, I wanted to talk to Izzy, so what? I needed to tell her that things might go back to the way they were if Jace is staying in the picture. Of course though, who knows? With all the deal with Maryse, he might stay and they all become one big happy family.

_No. That's not fair. I gave up _everything _to raise my kids. I gave up my home, and my family, and my own health to have them. Why should someone who still has everything have a chance to be in a happy family? Sure, where I am now, I'm safe. And even happy to and extent. But this isn't where I belong. I don't have anywhere really. Sadly, neither does my kids. _

_The Mathew's are...a wonderful and loving family. They took me in and loved me from the start. And now, almost three years later, everything's changing. _

Portal runes were drawn in the air right outside of my room and I was at Si's house. Because I didn't want to be rude, I knocked. A few seconds later, he opens the door. "Come on in. You should know that you can just walk in. Day time only because I might be tappin' something at night." I laughed hard. Oh did it feel good to laugh!

"Oh angel, Si, you're just what I needed." We went to the living room and I laughed sadly. "Everything's crashing down around me Si. Right when I though everything just _might_ start to get better, it crashes. What am I gonna do?" My eyes have tears in them, but I don't let them fall. Not yet.

He grabs my hand and squeezes. "Everything's not crashing. There's just...surprises being added. And why wouldn't things get better?" Unfortunately, that was when I hit my breaking point.

"How can they! I _had_ to tell Alec about me, and he took it OK. And the same with Izzy. But Jace? No way! I don't even want to be in the same state as him! He broke me! He didn't _want_ me! How do I tell my kids that? How do I tell my kids that their father wanted me to kill them? I can't, that's how. I'll have to take Lucas up on his offer. I'll have to marry him so that my kids will have the father they diverse!

The worst part in all of this? And as selfish as I am, I gotta sometimes think that it's not fair to me. I had to give up my life! I was just 17, not even started being an adult, and I had to be an adult for my kids. Everything I loved was taken from me.

I'm so selfish Si! I love my kids with everything I got, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but it's just not fair! And-and Jace! He didn't want me. He didn't want our child! I hate this! I hate this! I _hate this!_" Si held me as I cried. The pain in my chest hurt so bad.

I shook, and cried, and hurt for an hour at least. And he just held me and tried his best to sooth me.

When I was done, it was midnight. I was 3 hours late. Izzy had came in, saw me, and went to bed. I grabbed my things, thanked Si, and went back home.

**A week later...**

Life was just starting to get back on track. No one brought up what happened in Idris and no one from New York called. It wasn't like I wasn't going to stay in contact a little, it just wasn't safe at the time to call up there and talk. But I'd call Si and he'd come up for the Trip's birthday.

I thought about inviting Izzy, Alec, and Magnus too, but only if Jace is gone by then. If he wasn't, well, then next time there'd be a visit would be on Lilly's 1st birthday. Hopefully, she'll have said her first word by then.

As I was putting the dishes up after lunch, Joe ran in the kitchen. He was out of breath and looked worried. "Joe! What's wrong?" He holds up a bright green envelope and says, "This just came. It has your name on it. It's from the Clave."

I grabbed it and opened it quickly. _What could the Clave want with me? Why would they send me a _letter?_ Could it have something to do with Maryse? It couldn't be too important if they had the time to write the letter..._

My fingers shook only a bit as I read the letter.

_Miss Rowena Carter, _

_It has come to our attention that you are more involved in the case of the traitor Maryse Lightwood than was thought. Not only has she been steeling important pieces of Shadow-hunter history, she's been giving them, along with some of the most secret of secrets of the Clave, to a man who was thought to be dead. _

_You will be told further of this situation when you come here today. The Lightwoods and Jace will also be joining us. It is imperative that you get here._

_The Inquisitor. _

Oh great. Just great. Another trip to Idris, and another run in with Jace. Joe asked worrily, "What's it say?" Shaking my head, I whisper, "I have to go back to Idris because Maryse was telling Clave secrets to someone that they thought had died. And somehow, I'm connected to them. I'm gonna go pack and tell the kids bye."

I didn't want to go back, but just because of Jace. He chose himself over me and our kids. What kind of man does that? _No man, that's what kind. _

Upstairs, I went to the kids' room first. Can you guess who was up there? Yeah. Lucas. He saw my face and said, "What's wrong?" "I...have to go back to Idris. They sent me a letter. Turns out I'm more connected in the whole traitor case then though. I just came to tell the kids." Of course, though, none of my kids wanted me to leave. They started crying, begging me to stay.

Melody cried, "Don't go mommy! Pweese!" Elliot yelled, "Momma no go!" And Simon screamed, "No! Momma! The monswers come! You gotta stay! Don't go!" Lilly even started screaming. All my kids begging me not to go, combined with the fact that I had no choice in the matter, made me cry.

I ended up running out of the room, going to mine. The sooner I left, the sooner I could come back. As I was packing, Lucas came in saying, "You're not going alone. No way am I letting that bastard come near you." In tears, I said, "Too bad! I need to go _now_. The sooner I leave, the sooner I can come home. Just stay here and watch everyone, OK?"

We argued, and everyone ended up coming up to see what was going on. Finally, I yelled, "Stop! Listen to me! No one is coming with me! I have to go. And if I do see Jace, I'll handle it! Alone! You all are going to stay here and watch the kids! I can handle it!"

What other choice did they have then to drop it? Lucas was pissed, so when I left, I gave his cheek a quick peck and whispered, "Please Lucas, I need to do this. What kind of life will I have if I keep avoiding him? As much as I hate it, I _have_ to talk to him. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to forgive him. Watch the kids, please? Everything will be fine and I'll be home soon."

I threw my bag on my back and drew the portal rune in the air. Knowing that I was hurting Lucas by leaving hurt, knowing that I had to watch my kids beg me not to go hurt worse than any pain in the world. Even worse then when Jace chose himself.

So now, as I'm being forced to leave my family temporarily, I have no idea what the future will hold. I don't know if I'll be able to help the Clave with Maryse. I don't know when I'll be home. And, I have no idea if I'll talk to Jace or not. But I did know one thing.

I'm going to do what _ever_ it take to do the right thing. Even if it kills me.

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><p><em>Thoughts? No cliffy this time...not really at least...<em>

_After you review-*wink wink*-go answer the poll on my profile. It'll help me get the next chapter written faster. _

_P.S.-I wanted to thank you all who've added the story as one of your faves, or even me as an author, and exsecially reviewed so far-or even took the time to read this story. It makes my day-literally-when I see that I got a new review. Well, unless it's a bad one, which pisses me off a bit. But oh well :)_

_-Jess 3_


	12. It Just Keeps Getting Worse

_Dedicated to Scrotie McBoogerBalls because they pointed out some great things and told me their input. Really appreciated there :)_

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_So now, as I'm being forced to leave my family temporarily, I have no idea what the future will hold. I don't know if I'll be able to help the Clave with Maryse. I don't know when I'll be home. And, I have no idea if I'll talk to Jace or not. But I did know one thing._

_I'm going to do what ever it take to do the right thing. Even if it kills me._

When I finally made it to Idris, I realized my mistake as soon as I stepped out of the portal. I was outside of the city, so I'd have to walk. At least it'd give me time to think.

_I'm here. Idris. Why does it seem like every time I come here, either something horrible is going on or I'm about to be told something that will change everything. And, in a way, I guess that things are going to change. They already have, what am I talking about?_

_I _don't_ want to be here. I don't _want_ any of this. What I do want is to be able to just live my life. To be able to give my kids everything that they deserve. A safe home, a mother who can make sure that they're never hurt and is never sad...a father who loves them. _

_Grrr! _Why_ do I keep thinking about him! All he's done to me is hurt me! I don't care if somewhere in my heart, I do love him! I hate him more! At least...I think I do. Man! I do _not_ need this right now! I just need to focus and get the job done here so that I can go home._

**You know that you don't really have a home.**

I froze mid-step. "Who said that?"

My ears perked and I listened. But I heard nothing else. _I must be really loosing it. I'm hearing voices now._ My steps continued, as did my thoughts. _OK, so, I have to come up with a plan. Everyone will be here, all the Lightwoods, that is. The Clave wants to find out if any of us are secretly involved with Maryse. __Which, I highly doubt. She's Izzy and Alec's mother for angel sake. And Jace -Dammit!_

_Fine! Someone must want me to think of him because Angel knows that I can't keep my thoughts off of him! So, what am I going to do about him? No! I am _not _going to keep thinking about him right now!_

My lip came between my teeth and I bit down. The pain made me remember the pain Jace had brought me. No sooner than I had done that, though, I was on top of a hill and looking at the city. How beautiful it was! I might not have been born here, but it was my home. Just like it was home each and every Shadow-hunter.

I flipped open my shoulder bag and pulled out my contacts and my compact. Even though everyone that I wanted to keep the truth about knew it, I still didn't want to chance being caught by anyone else. So I popped in my deep blue contacts and kept walking.

The guards only asked me my name and let me in. Strange, really...Anyhow, one led me to the Halls and into this huge room. "The Lightwoods and Mr. Wayland shall be here soon." I took a seat in the chair close to the corner, away from the couch and other chairs. Then, I opened my bag back up and sent a quick text to Lucas.

Before you say anything, yes, I did say text. Only my phone works in all of Idris. That's because I made a special rune that would allow it to work. But, hey. I'm a mom to four who has two identities. I need a phone at all times.

**W8tin 4 others. We cool?**

_Yeah. :) U OK? _

**Yeah. Kids OK? R they still crying?**

_No, but they want their momma. U gonna B home soon?_

**Hopefully. I G2 get off B4 they come. Call if emergency?**

_Defiantly. Bye. :)_

***Waves**

I put my phone on vibrate and put it in my pocket. My brain, once again, thought about the Jace situation. _I hate him and I love him. So what do I do? Do I give him a chance and talk to him? Do I just keep him out of my life forever? I can't run again, because it isn't fair. Fair? Why do I care if it's fair or not? He didn't when he-Ya know what? Fine._

_I keep thinking about him, so I'll talk to him. I'm not telling him about having three kids though. Or where I live. Just basic questions. That way, he'll leave me alone once and for all. Plus, if I don't, I have a feeling he'll just try to track me down and force me to talk to him._

As I made my decision, the door opened again and I stood up. Robert led the others in, Jace in the end. A guard followed though. Once we were all in, the guard said, "The Inquisitor will be late, due to an unscheduled event. Please, feel free to roam around for an hour. But please be back in this room in an hour. Sharp." We nod and he leaves. _OK, an hour. Jace and I can talk. _Speaking of, he came over to me and said, "Clary, please. I-" I held up my hand.

"Listen here Jace. I want you to know something. I don't want to hear your apologizes because I could care less. But I'm willing to talk with you. We're both adults and I don't see why we can't act like it. I swear though, I'm _not_ forgiving you or taking you back." _Not yet, at least. Wait, what!_

Slowly, he nodded. "Do you...want to go somewhere?" "Lead the way. But you only have an hour. Less really." He nods and we walk out. As I'm following, I see the others' faces. All shocked, but Robert was more...relaxed. Or was that worry?

We went out and sat down by the fountain. It was quiet, until he said, "So...how-how have you been?" Was he for real? "Well, being a single mom isn't exactly the easiest job in the world." He nodded so slightly, I wasn't even sure it was a nod. "W-was it a boy or a girl?"

"You lost the chance to know." At this, he glared at me, but it faded and he huffed. "It'd be two, right?" That surprised me. He'd been keeping up with the months? My voice didn't show my surprise though. "In two weeks and three days, yeah." _OK, doing good. He doesn't know about them all yet._

"Where are you staying at?" "I don't think I want to tell you that Jace." I really didn't. Now he glared and said, "What? You think I'd come kidnap our kid?" I glared right back and corrected him. "Not our kid. Mine. You thought we were too young, remember?"

**((Lots of dialogue next, so it might be a bit confusing. Sorry!)) **

J- "Because we were! Hell! You were just 17!"

C- "But I did what was right!"

J- "You mean run? Why the hell did you leave anyway! You had a home and everything!"

(glaring)C- "No, what I had was everyone that I thought cared about me hating me. Wanting me to kill my child. I had no where, so I left."

J- "Who the hell wanted it to die?"

C- "Ask Jocelyn! Ask Luke! _You_ didn't even want it! You all wanted me to have an abortion!"

(glaring murderously)J growled- "I _never_ said that I wanted my child to die."

(same glare and growl)C- "And _I_ told _you_ that it was _mine._ But what did you expect me to think when you never said you'd be there for us? That you'd just welcome it?"

J- "Dammit Clary! Quite making me seem like the bad guy!"

C- "You are! You're a no good bastard who decided he didn't want me or his children!"

Oh no.

Both our eyes widened at my words. My hands clamped over my mouth and I froze. _Dammit dammit dammit dammit! Nononono! Why the hell did I say that? Now he knows! You're such and idiot Clarissa Rowena Fray! What the hell am I going to do now!_

Jace gasps for air and whispers, "C-children? What? Do-do you have more than one?" I can't tell him the truth. I just can't! "No, just drop it Jace. This talk is over." I stood up and walked quickly away. After a second, he was right in front of me. _Damn his speed!_

He put his hands on my shoulders and demanded, "How many kids do I have Clary?" I jerked away and yelled, "Keep your dammed hands off me!" "How many kids do I have!" "NONE! THEY'RE MINE! IF YOU COME NEAR THEM I SWEAR I'LL CUT YOU!"*****

I pushed away and ran. Subconsciously, I must have realized where I was going because I went to the room where I'd have to be when it came time for the meeting. Stranger than that? I didn't shed a tear. Not a single one. That didn't mean that I wasn't crying on the inside.

_He knows. He knows that there's more than one baby and it's all my fault! How could I be so stupid? Why did I even give him a chance? I should've never even talked to him! I should've just kept to myself and left as soon as possible! Angel I'm so stupid! I did the one thing that I swore I'd never do! I'm a horrible mother. I can't even keep them a secret from their father! Why me Angel? Why! What did I do to deserve this? Did I piss off Raziel? _

"Clary? You OK?"

I turned and say Robert. "No, I'm not. I'm the worst mother in the world Robert! I can't even protect them from him!" He comes over and takes my hand. "Clary, calm down. It's OK. Look, what happened?" "He knows. You know when we were talking? Well, we started fighting and I blurted the word 'children' and now he knows! What am I going to do Robert?"

"Maybe you two should talk again, and you tell him everything. And he can tell you the same. That way you both here the others' side of the story. Then you can decide what to do. But...you have to remember that they're his children too, whether you like it or not."

He...has a point. "I can't Robert. Not now, at least. The only way he'll even be within ten feet of them is if there's no other choice or he earns my trust back. You know how I feel about him." "Yes, I do. Now, unless you want him and the other to hear us, I suggest that we end our chat for now."

So we did and I tried to calm down. As long as Jace didn't try anything, I think that I'd be fine. For now at least.

The door opened back up and everyone filed in. No one spoke. After a few minutes, Inquisitor Kevin and a few men came in. _Kevin...oh! I hate him so much! If it wasn't for him, Jace would've never had known that it was me in the room with him. My life could be normal...maybe._

The man nodded to us all and said, "Thank you for waiting. An urgent matter popped up and requested our services. Now, for the reason you all are here. Please, have a seat." We all did. I kept my eyes on Kevin as he spoke.

"As I said in the letter, we have discovered that Maryse not only has been discovered for being a traitor, but she's also reporting to someone who we thought was dead. According to the reports we were given, that is. It was almost 3 years ago, when the report came in. More so, it was just a day or so after Valentine tried to take over. Funny, really. I believe it was the same day that the celebration was. I'm sure you all were in attendance.

That's besides the point. Now, I'm sure you Lightwoods and you, Mr. Wayland, have discovered that miss Rowena Carter is actually Clarissa Fray. If not, oh well. You are Valentines daughter." He paused, giving me a moment to say, "Yes, we all know that. Everyone does. But what does that have to do with anything?" "I'm getting there, be paciest."

He pulled out something from the inside of his robe that looked like a recorder and said, "This holds on it a conversation between Maryse and a man named Josiah held two weeks ago." A button was hit and we all listened.

* * *

><p>"<em>Josiah! You know that you cannot be here!"<em>

"_Our master sent me."_

_She gasped. "What does he wish?"_

"_We must leave. Master has a duty for us and we must do as he says."_

"_What is it? Why didn't he tell me directly?"_

"_There wasn't time. We must go. We have to find the angel children. Especially the girl."_

"_Clarissa? Why her?" _

"_He did not say. But he wants something of hers that no other has. Now come."_

* * *

><p>What was this? Me? Who wanted me? And why? I looked at Kevin and said, "Who exactly wants me? And why?" He suddenly becomes more serious than I had ever seen him.<p>

"We know not why he wants you and Wayland. But we have figured out who it is." His gaze went to each of our faces before it falls on me and he says,

"It was your brother Clarissa. Jonathon Christopher Morgenstern."

No. No way. He's gone. Jace killed him. He said that he killed him...Jace jumped up and said, "There's no way! I killed him myself!" Kevin nodded. "Be that as it may, he's come back. And he's after the angel children." Is that why he was in my dreams? Because he's after the angel...children...WAIT!

**_THE KIDS!_**

I pull out my phone in a blind furry and called Mike. **_Ring...ring...ring... _**Dammit! I dialed Lucas. **_Ring..._**_Come on_**_...Ring..._**_Dammit Lucas! Pick up the fudging- _"Hello?" I sighed in relief, then went back to freaking out.

"Listen to me Lucas, is everything OK? Where is everyone?" "Here...Roe, what's wrong? You sound like something's-What's wrong?" "Nothing, just...forget it. Be on alert till I get home, OK?" "You got it. What's-" A huge explosion cut him off.

"Lucas? Lucas! What happened!" Every eye in the room is on me, but I concentrate on what Lucas is saying seeing as I can barely hear him. "Attack...can't see who...the kids..." _NO! _"I'm on my way!" I snap my phone shut and pull out my stele and began to draw.

Kevin says, "Clarissa, what's happened?" "He's at my home! I know it's him. He's attacking and I gotta go!" He says quickly, "Wait! He's at your home?" "Yes! Now I have to-" I ran threw the portal before I could finish. My mind was just set on saving my kids.

I entered a room with dust clouding the air. I screamed, "LUCAS! MIKE! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!" I heard Maddy yell, "ROE? IN THE KIDS ROOM!" My feet were moving as soon as she finished. _Please Angel! Give me Jace's speed!_

As soon as I got there, I threw the door open and scanned the room. "Roe!" There, in the corner, were my family. Maddy, Joe, and Sam all held the kids and the others were guarding them. My fingers reached into my pockets and I cursed. I dropped my stele!

How was I going to save me family? I have to. There's no other option. So when a portal suddenly appeared, I didn't question it. Just yell to the others, "GO!" If I _did_ make it-and I truly can't tell you if I did or not-then they'd all end up at Magnus'. His place was the only safe place I could get to.

My family all ran threw-kids first. I was the last. When I looked back, I saw Sebastian coming fast. Everything about him was the same. Only this time, his hair wasn't died. It was a blond-ish from what I could tell. He gave me a murderous glare and I stepped threw before he could touch me.

I fell to my knees as soon as I was out and started coughing. That smoke had gotten to me. But I instantly stopped when I heard my kids screaming for me. Stumbling, I stand up and run to them. To hold them all, we have to get on the ground. My arms fit them all and I rock back in forth, trying to comfort and calm them all.

"It's alright sweeties, momma's here. Momma's here. Everything's going to be alright now babies. It's OK." We all sat on the floor, crying and rocking. All I could think about was praising Raziel that they were all uninjured. When the kids were calmer, I was about to say something when Magnus suddenly roars, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

I look up at him, pleading. "Magnus, please, can we stay here? _Please?_ I'll do what ever you want. This is the only place I have left to go that's safe. Anywhere else and I risk the l-i-f-e-s of my kids and everyone else. _Please_ Magnus, don't make us leave." The kids couldn't know how close to death they just were. And possibly still are.

He looked down at me on the floor for a few moments, thinking. _Please Angel and anyone else who's listening, don't make us leave. We have no where else. _He nods. "Fine. But I want answers and I want them soon. And I do, in fact, mean _soon. _Upstairs are eight rooms. Clary and the children will be in one, and the rest of you will bunk with another. There's a bathroom in each room. In one hour, I want to talk to you Clarissa."

He turned and walked away after I nodded. Then I said gently to the kids, "Sweeties, we're gonna go upstairs and get you guys cleaned up, OK?" Maddy reached down and picked up Lilly and Simon. They both screamed, "Momma! No!" "It's alright babies! Momma's not going anywhere, I promise. Mommal is just helping me carry you all, OK? We're going to go upstairs and clean you guys up. Calm down. Everything's going to be alright."

As we walked, the kids clung to us as we went upstairs. They were covered in dirt and smelt like dust. Their terror was unbearable for me. But hopefully they'd calm down after getting cleaned up.

_Hopefully...and I pray that Magnus lets us stay here till we find a place to go._

* * *

><p><strong>*<strong>_thought that was better than just punching him or attacking him. kinda out of charactor though, but *shugs*_

_Hi guys. Posting like I said I would. You should totally review and make my birthday happy since it's been total shit-other then the power going out at school and it being cancelled. _

_~Jess_


	13. Temporary Home

**Read bottom please!**

* * *

><p><em>Previously...<em>

_As we walked, the kids clung to us as we went upstairs. They were covered in dirt and smelt like dust. Their terror was unbearable for me. But hopefully they'd calm down after getting cleaned up._

_Hopefully...and I pray that Magnus lets us stay here till we find a place to go._

* * *

><p>The kids weren't hurt at all. Just dirty. So, after Maddy and cleaned them up, we put them in my bed and tried to get them to sleep. Exhausted kids plus warm, comfy bed equals sleep quick. There was no way in hell I was leaving them alone, so Maddy stayed up there. The boys would tell her everything later. Right now, I had to get down there and talk to Magnus.<p>

As I was going down the stairs **((AN-pretend that his apt. is 2 floors and as many rooms as he wants)) **I noticed that I was shaking. That made me almost laugh. _Guess I'm in shock or something. I _did _come close to losing my kids and my family though. _

Downstairs, Magnus and Lucas were the only ones in the living room. As soon as I walked in, they both jumped up. Lucas came over and caressed my face, looking worried to death. "Are you OK? Are you hurt? Roe, are you alright?" I place my hand on his arms. "I'm fine Lucas. Just...shaken up."

We go over and sit on the couch across from Magnus. Who hands me a small bottle with some dark liquid in it. "Just take it. It'll help with your nerves." I simply nodded and chugged it. Then, it was serious Magnus time. "What happened Clarissa and why did you bring you and yours here?"

Lucas put his arm around my waist and squeezed gently. My body just leaned into his as I spoke. "When we were in Idris...I had decided to talk with Jace." Lucas tensed, but I continued. "So, we talked. When...we were talking, we started to argue. And, well...I slipped up and said the word 'children' instead of 'child'. I ran off and then the meeting started. That dammed bastard Kevin told everyone that I'm Clary. What if I hadn't told them? It would've ruined everything!

It's besides the point, but, guys...Nothing's safe anymore. In the meeting, right after he told them about me...He told us who Maryse is working for. And he's after me and the kids. That's why he was at the house! That's why he attacked! He's suppose to be dead!"

My body was shaking with silent sobs. Lucas pulled me into his chest and rocked me. "Shh, it's OK Roe. Who? You gotta tell me who's after you and the kids or else I can't protect you." I pulled away and cried out, "But you can't! No one can!"

Magnus -who I half forgot was here- demands, "Who Clary?" I face him and whisper, "Sebastian. He's not dead. He's back." From the look on his face, he didn't believe me. "There's no way. Jace killed him. We'd know if he had lived." I stood up and almost yelled, "But we never found his body, remember!"

We had a stare down until I finally looked up, bit my lip, then looked back at him. My voice was quiet. "Magnus, look, I know you don't want to be put in the middle of this, but _please._ He knew where I was. He knows about the kids. I have _no_ _where_ to go. Just let my family stay here and-and I'll leave. I'll leave and never bother you again. Just help me keep the ones I love from Sebastian."

That...was my deepest fear. I'd do _anything _to keep them from him. Even let Jace in their lives. _A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. _Magnus must have seen that in my eyes because he nodded. "You and your family have my word that you can stay here until further notice. And I will do what I can to protect your children and family. Sebastian will not harm them as long as they're in my home."

The shock that he was actually saying what I didn't think he'd say took over. I basically leaped to him and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. He tensed, then hugged back awkwardly, then pulled away coughing nervously.

"Well, you have thought of what you're going to do when Jace figures out you're here, haven't you?" "I've been a little preoccupied. But, I know it's too much to ask you to not let him in here, isn't it?" My sad smile didn't faze him.

"Yes I'm afraid. As long as he doesn't get on my bad side, he's aloud here. And Alec does not, nor will he ever be, not aloud in my home. That's one rule as solid as my hair." Oh Magnus! I laughed and it felt so _good._ Was that bad of me to be happy to laugh at a time like this?

Was it worse that I came up with a comeback? "It ain't that hard when you're with Alec doing Angel knows what in your room!" Winking his cat like eye at me, "Every room you mean, green eyes." The room filled with laughter until I heard Elliot shrieking, "MOMMA!"

That night, I didn't sleep. I held my kids in my arms and just watched them. They were my entire world. If you'd had asked me five years ago where I saw my life now, I would've said in collage working for some degree in art. Life could've been so different if I had never went to Pandemonium that night. Or if I had just waited until I was older to have sex with Jace. But...I don't regret anything. Sure, I wish I had been older when I had kids, but I wouldn't change it.

And...even though it's hard to admit...I don't regret the decision to leave Jace and the other. It hurt for a while, but I did the right thing. My kids are around people who love them unconditionally, they are happy and healthy, and if the bastard hadn't returned, they'd have a safe home.

But does it make me a bad mother for not wanting their father in their lives?

**_The next morning...**_

The kids would start screaming if I wasn't in their sights. So, someone was with me all the time to help. It was usually Lucas, but his brothers helped too. In all honesty, I was glad that he was willing to help me with them still. We hadn't talked about the whole Jace thing, but I had a feeling that he'd support me in any decision I made. What ever that may be.

After breakfast, Magnus pulled me aside and said, "Just a fair warning, Alexander will be coming over. I told him not to tell Jace where you were, but there's no guarantee." I sighed. "Thanks Magnus." _I just can't take Jace right now. No way no how. _

I didn't tell my family about the chance of Jace coming, but I did try to make sure that the kids were always upstairs. If Jace would try to just show up, at least I didn't have to worry about him seeing the kids. Ever since that talk we had though, I've been having an internal battle with myself. Like my heart and mind were at ear with each other.

My heart wanted to take him back. It wanted to take him back and have everything be normal. To have a family. A father for my kids, a husband for me. Everything the way it's suppose to be.

My mind, on the other hand, wanted him as far as humanly possible. For him to just go away and never plague my life with him again.

But, I put that out of my thoughts and went to play with the kids. Melody stayed within reaching distance to me though. My poor baby girl was just terrified at the thought of me going anywhere. It was almost as if she believed I'd disappear.

The boys acted OK, but were the same. And Lilly, well, even though she wasn't even a year yet, she knew something was up. Sure, she'd play with her siblings and laugh and smile, but if she saw me shifting around, she would look over at me.

So, I' know I'm ranting the same thing over and over. My point is that I can't even go to the bathroom unless I either take them all with me, or leave the door open so they could see me. Around noon, Alec made it over. He talked to Magnus, then he brought him up to meet the kids.

As soon as he walked in the room, he froze. Just seeing the look of pure shock on his face made me giggle. The kids noticed and looked over at Alec. My first thought was, _'Oh no! What if they freak?' _But the kids didn't Elliot came over to me and said as he pointed to Alec, "Momma, hoo dat?"

My smile was huge. "That, sweetie, is your uncle Alec. Go say hi." He and Simon actually went over to where Alec was standing. Simon smiled, but it was Elliot that shocked us all by sticking his little hand out and saying, "Hi unky Awek! I'm Ewiot."

So incredibly, unfathomably, unbelievably _adorable! _And then Simon did the same thing! Alec recovered from his shock and shook each of the boys' hands with a giant smile. "Well hello boys. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Simon pulled Alec over to me and his sisters.

When they were close to us, I realized that Melody was hiding behind me and Lilly had crawled over to me. Elliot said to Alec, "This is mommy and Liwy. Melly shy, so she hidin'. Melly! Unky Awec won't herwt us!" She poked her head around me. Quietly, she said, "R-reawy?"

Simon nodded his head enthusiastically. "Yes! Tell her unky Awec!" True enough, Alec smiled and stuck his hand out to my frightened daughter. "Hello Melody. I promise that I'm not going to hurt you or your family. I would never. Has anyone told you that you're very beautiful?"

That made her smile and take a step towards him. "Reawy?" "Oh yes. Maybe more beautiful than your mommy." She made a shocked face. "No! Momma's the bootafuwest!" We all laughed.

Alec stayed with me while the kids played. We talked and then when we put the kids down for a nap later, he told me what happened after I left. "Yeah, when you pulled out your phone and made that call, we were all shocked. Especially Kevin.

Anyway, while you were talking to Lucas-I think-I knew something was wrong. When you said that Sed-_he _was at your home, I think I was still in shock. And then you left before any of us could do anything. Dad was the first one to react. He yelled, 'where is she!' and then we all focused.

Kevin yelled, "Guards! I want every single Shadow-hunter we have to report to Clarissa's home! _NOW!_" We all ran. Some portal opened and at least fifteen Shadow-hunters all ran threw. The Instatute was...Clary, the good news is that the damage the fire did wasn't bad. Everything's fine and still standing. But he got away. We're going to get him though. No one messes with my family."

I smiled gently at him. _There's my good old Alec. I just hope he's right. Sebastian can't be aloud to live. Not now, not ever. And especially not when he's already tried to go after my kids. That bastard will die and I'll fight anyone who tried to take my right to kill him away._

* * *

><p><em>Sorry it's short guys! I actually had to just fight myself to think of this chapter. Anyhow, I need a bit of help. You see, I know what's going to happen later on, but not at the current moment. <em>

_So, since you all are such wonderful people, I would like to hear some of your ideas. And if you'd like, I'm more than welcome in someone helping me with new ideas for the story. _

_P.S.-I'll try my best to update at least once a week. If not, then just a few more days. It'll be a little bit before the next chapter's posted, unless I hear some great ideas. _

_P.P.S.-Reviews are always welcome :)_

_~Jess_


	14. Decisions

_short, and not too good...but here's a bit more for now :)_

* * *

><p>I smiled gently at him.<em> There's my good old Alec. I just hope he's right. Sebastian can't be aloud to live. Not now, not ever. And especially not when he's already tried to go after my kids. That bastard will die and I'll fight anyone who tried to take my right to kill him away<em>

* * *

><p>My decision was made for me the moment that I found out that Sebastian was back.<p>

It ripped me up inside, but it had to be done.

My kids would have even more protection and maybe...No. Forget it.

I had to let Jace meet the kids.

Alec's been the only one to come over so far. Isabelle and Si had came over, but just stayed long enough to hear

what happened. They both had tried to convince me to take everyone to the Instatute, but I refused. Not until

Jace and I things straightened out.

So, the evening that Alec first met the kids, I thought about everything I should do. I battled with myself. Then,

finally, I did what I've been doing for years. Make a list. On the top of the paper, I wrote,

**Pro's and Con's of ****Letting Jace Meet the Kids. **

_Pro's_

_The kids would have more protection._

_Jace would never hurt them: he's not suicidal enough to try. _

_We'd be able to talk about everything._

_We...we might be the family I always dreamed about finally._

_Con's_

_I'd be breaking my promise, my _vow_._

_He might want to be in mine and the kids' lives. _

_I could let him back into my heart...and he breaks it again._

_He might not want to deal with us._

I started at my lists. They were short, but I couldn't help it...my brain had too much on it to completely think. But I

did the best I could.

So I stared at them for at least an hour before deciding that I had to let Jace back into my life. My biggest

fear...had to be that he'd break me again. My heart just couldn't take that again. _So I can't let the chance come. _

_I'll just let him...Dammit! Why can't this just...be easy? Why couldn't I just have the life I dreamed about? I want to _

_know who hates me enough to keep torching me!_

I sighed and rubbed between my eyes. My head was pounding and I knew for a fact that I was having a

migraine. Thanks angel it was relatively dark in here.

As I tried to distract myself from the pain, my eyes wondered to my kids. They all were playing with some toys

Magnus had made. The boys were playing with their sisters. Luckily, after everything that's happened, they've

started to calm down some. Before, they all would cry and freakout if I left, but we'd calmed them down enough

so that I could leave them in a room with the others and everything would be fine for a while. An hour tops.

It use to be one of my all time favorite things to just...watch them. Eat, play, sleep, anything. Every time they

smiled, I knew I had done the right thing so long ago. But if they got sick, or even shed one tear...I hated myself.

It was my fault that those tears were shed...My fault that they had gotten sick.

And then I'd think, _This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't ran. You're a horrible mother that can't protect your _

_children...Look! You made them cry!_ Those moments make me feel like shit. But, usually someone-most of the time

Lucas-would smile at me and tell me I'm a great mom.

But, back to my main point. If Jace was here, then the kids would have more protection. And, well...as much as I

hated to say it...Jace is their father. He has to at least help me protect them...Right?

* * *

><p>Right before I went to bed-around 9-I gave myself a pep-talk and fire messaged Jace.<p>

_If you ever cared about me in the slightest, meet me outside of Magnus' at 6am tomorrow._

Five minutes later, he replied back. Three little words.

_I'll be there._

* * *

><p><em>ok, it's short and crappy...but, unfortunalty, that's all I've been abe to get. the next chapter will be longer, i promise...please don't give up on this story! i'm just at a point where i need some ideas<em>

_i deleted all the AN chaps too_

_btw, to who ever reviewed titled, "PISSED" on the lasted chap-the AN-, when i titled it, i said it wasn't a chapter! you didn't have to read it, so yeah!_


	15. Compromises

_Previously..._

Right before I went to bed-around 9-I gave myself a pep-talk and fire messaged Jace.

_If you ever cared about me in the slightest, meet me outside of Magnus' at 6am tomorrow._

Five minutes later, he replied back. Three little words.

_I'll be there_

* * *

><p>This was the day. Well, morning, but still.<p>

I was showered and dressed by 5:30am. The kids were still asleep, but as soon as I was getting ready to go have someone watch them for me, they woke up.

Elliot sat up, rubbing his eyes, and said, "Where you go momma?" Simon yawned, "Bekfast?" I giggled. My little man. I got on the bed and positioned us so that they were all looking at me. My boys were letting their sisters lean on them. Lilly was fighting to keep her eyes open, while Melody was awake and alert. Just tired.

"OK kids, can you all do me a favor? Mommy has to go and talk to someone for just a little bit. Can you guys please be good and let someone watch you? I'll be right outside, so I won't be far. Do you guys think that you'll be OK? And I won't be long."

Melody's lip started to quiver. "Mommy...no go. Bad man come when you go bye-bye." My heart broke a little. She was just terrified. "Oh honey, the bad man can't get you hear. I promise. Uncle Magnus won't allow it. And I'll be right outside, so I'll see if anyone tried to get in."

I turned to my boys, because they didn't look as terrified as the girls. "Elliot, Simon, can you two watch your sisters for me? You know I'll be right back and everything will be OK. Please boy?" Simon frowned, then said, "We already watch sissies."

Elliot said to him, "No Simon, momma wants us watch sissies like unkys and aunties watch us." Realization spread in his face. "Oh! Like when bad man came?" "Mm-hm." A second later, Simon turned to Lilly-who was at his side-and grinned as he said, "I pwotect you sissy!" I laughed and leaned over to pull all of them into my arms.

They all held onto me as I said, "See? Everything's gonna be fine. So, do you think you guys would be OK if I went just right outside?" They all said yes and I took them to Lucas' room. When they were settled, Lucas whispered, "Do you think this is a good idea Roe?" I whispered back, "I have no choice. It's what I have to do."

By now, it was five till 6. I went out and as soon as I shut the door and turned around, I gasped. He was already sitting on the steps. "Jace! You scared me! I wasn't expecting you here this early." Smirking slightly, he says, "It's not that early."

When my breathing settled, I sat down next to him and sighed. He says, "So, what do you want to talk about Clary? Or should I call you Rowena now?" I have to say, I didn't like the way that sounded coming from his lips. "Clary, please...But, Jace...can we please have a serious talk?"

"That's what I've been trying to have. Though, please continue." I swear, I had the hugest urge to smack him right then. _Calm down girl...Remember what you have to do. Talk first, hit later. _Sighing, I bit my lip and spoke.

"I need your help. And I don't even know if you'd be willing to or not, because I have some rules. But then again, when did you ever follow rules? I really need your help, but you don't have to and-" "Clary! Look, calm down. Take a deep breath, OK? You sound like you're hyperventilating."

I did? Well, a deep breath later, Jace said, "OK, now just tell me what you need help with. No rambling." While I nodded, I took a deep breath and said, "I need you to help me protect the kids." This didn't surprise him much. "OK" Yay, he said-Wait, what? Why didn't it?

"Jace, you're not...like..." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I had a feeling that you'd do what ever you could to protect them because of Sebastian's return. Including getting my help." Wow. I did _not _see that coming. My inner Clary said, _"Smug bastard...Thinks he knows me..."_

"So...you'll do it?" "Yes...But didn't you say that you had some rules?" Oh! That's right. I did.

"Yes. Look, just because I'm asking you to help doesn't mean that I forgive you. We're still not together, and I still don't trust you like I use to. Hell! If I didn't need to believe that you wouldn't hurt them-which I'm still trying to do-I would never let you near them. You can see them and talk to them and all...just don't tell them who you really are. Can you do that Jace?"

Could he? If not, I don't know what I'd do. _Well, you're not going to let him see the kids, that's one thing. _I heard him let out a deep breath. When I looked at him, he was leaning back with his hands over his face. My ears could hear him though, once his hands moved.

"Clary, I know that I screwed up. Trust me when I say that I've been paying for it. And I'm not going to fuck this up too. I'm going to do what ever I can to make you trust me again. I want to do what ever I can to insure that my kids grow up where I can see them.

If Sebastian thinks that he's going to get them, then he can kill me first. And I'm not going down without a fight. Clary...Thank you. I know you hate me, and if you'd have the last say in it, I'd never even see you or our kids again. But you're letting me help you protect them.

Now, I'm not going to go on and on about everything, but...Will you agree to something for me? Two simple things?"

His little speech had me speech less. He just said...he admitted...Did he really think that way? Did he really believe that he made a mistake? Would he really give up his life for the kids? _No...no way. He's not allowed to say something like that to me after everything he's done..._

My throat felt tight and I fought back the emotional tears as I nodded and whispered lowly, "What are they?" I was trying dammit! That was the best I could do! You have no idea how hard this is. Just talking to him about the kids...

"Clary...don't run away again. Please. I can't...Just promise me that you won't run away without telling anyone again. Please." I...can do that. I nodded and he did the same. He even sighed with what seemed like relief. Then, he spoke again.

"And...my other request...We have to talk about before. No fighting, no yelling...just talking. We have to talk like reasonable adults. Now, it doesn't have to be now, or even today. But sometime soon. Can you do that? I think we owe it to each other to talk."

Man! This was even harder than I had thought it would be! All I wanted to happen was for him to help me keep the kids safe. No conditions, no being open with the other...And I wanted to act like I was over us. That I didn't still love him...

But angel if I did.

I stood up. Jace watched me carefully. "Jace, we'll talk, OK? Now, this conversation's over." _Stay in control Clary...Don't let him know that you're close to crying. That you're still weak when it comes to him...Oh man! STOP thinking about that!_

Jace stood up next to me and just nodded again. His face was cold, serious, and all Jace. But then, it changed slightly. Now, he was cautious as he spoke. "When can I see them? How...how many are there?" Wonderful. _Wonder how he's going to take this..._

"Jace, I'm going to tell you right now that I adopted one of the kids. She was my best friend Adreona's daughter. But...she died having her. Lilly is my daughter. And If you don't treat her like your own, I _will_ make you sorry. I'm the only parent that girl has." I'd be dammed if he treated her any differently than he would the others.

After a moment, he nods. "OK. So...how many kids do we have?" Oh no! He had _no_ right to say 'we'. I don't care if we were stranded on a deserted island and that was all we had to talk about. They were _mine!_ "_I_ have four kids in total."

Now, I'm going to be honest when I say that his reaction was _p-r-i-c-e-l-e-s-s!_ His jaw to the floor, eyes wide as dinner plates, and pale as snow! It took everything I had in me to not bust out laughing. He even had to sit back down.

Because I'm a nice person-even to jerks like him-I sat down next to him and said, "Breath Jace. I know it's a lot to take in, but it's true. I gave birth to two boys and a girl." That didn't help him much, but the look in his eyes...made me keep talking.

"My first born was Elliot Nickolas. Then there was, Simon Quin. And, finally, there's my Melody Grace. They all have red-blond hair and golden green eyes. Jace, breath. You look like you're going to pass out." I never thought I'd say that to him.

So quietly that I almost didn't hear him, he said, "I really fucked up." Then, before I could say anything, he looks at me with his head cocked to the side, then shakes it. What? "Um, why did you look at me and shake your head?"

"I just can't see you pregnant with 3 babies. You're so...tiny." I glared. "And? Got a problem with it?" He snickered and said, "No." I stood up and put my hands on my hips. "Jace, look, I gotta go back inside. Do you want to go see everyone now or later?"

He gasped slightly, then nodded. Silently, he followed me up the steps. At the door, I paused and said, "Just so you know, you're not going to be very popular in here with anyone. My family hates you, especially Lucas." Jace just nodded again and I saw something in his eyes.

Though, it only lasted for just a second, I was pure rage and dare I say...jealously?

I opened the door and led him. The first thing I heard was a thomp and Sam say softly, "Stupid fudging table." I giggled and followed the sound of his voice. When I found him, he had just made it in the kitchen. He saw me and smiled. "You're up early."

And then he saw Jace. His smile turned into a glare and he almost growled, "What's _he_ doing here?" I sighed. "I'll explain later, after breakfast. Are the others up?"

Still glaring at Jace, he said, "No. Just me." I went over and punched him in the arm. He yelled, "What the heck Roe!" "Stop glaring! It's rude!"

I stretched my arms and said, "Well, since y'all are up, you can help me fix breakfast. Ah-ah! No ' buts'. Jace, get in the fridge and get me the milk and butter. Sam, get me the flour and some bacon out of the deep freezer. Let move it boys. I want to be done before everyone gets up."

_(Once the food's ready...)_

Well, other than the boys not speaking to one another and the constant glares, we worked pretty efficiently. I made pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, and of course, coffee. There was enough food here to fill up everyone-hopefully.

As soon as I set the plate of eggs down, I turn to Sam and say, "Go wake up everyone. Careful when you go to Magnus' room though. He probably has some charm on it." He pouted and I kissed his cheek and smacked his butt. Which, earned me a gasp. I giggled and said, "Get a move on."

Sam left and I saw Jace staring at me like he didn't know what he was seeing. "What are you looking at?" "You're just...so different." I glared. "Yeah, that happens to people after three years."

Before he could say another word, Joe yells, "YES! Roe's famous pancakes!" _That's Joe..._ Then, Erik yells, "Don't even think about it Joe!" _And there's Erik...When will they ever grow up? _They were the first one's to come into the kitchen-wrestling, of course.

They saw Jace and froze. Before any words were said, Mike, Maddy walked in. I sighed and said, "Guys, even though you've probably already figured this out, this is Jace. Now! Before you say anything, he's agreed to help us protect the kids. That's the only reason he's here."

They continued to glare as Magnus came in sighing, "I smell food. Oh, hello Jace. Joining us for breakfast?" He nodded. "Yes. I suppose I am."

Everyone silently took a seat at the table. And, as soon as everyone was seated, Lucas and Sam came in with the kids.

_Oh yes. The moment of truth._

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><p><em>Hey! Well, here is it. Now you can blame FF this time for me not updating...it wouldn't let me upload :( <em>

_But! **THANK YOU ALL!** This story has 100 REVIEWS! I totally freaked and ran around my house like a crazy person when i realized it. _

_So, REVIEW!...please!_


	16. Almost Like a New Begining

_1st off, I'd like to thank TMIPinkGleeTwilight so much! She's helping me out with chapters now!_

_Ok, here's the next chapter! I'm so sorry that it took me son long! It's just, I went on vacation. I would've updated sooner, but when I got back home, I found out that my dog had chewed up my flashdrive with all my work! So I had to re-write this. It was originally going to be longer, but I wanted to give y'all something :D_

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><p>Previously...<p>

They continued to glare as Magnus came in sighing, "I smell food. Oh, hello Jace. Joining us for breakfast?" He nodded. "Yes. I suppose I am."

Everyone silently took a seat at the table. And, as soon as everyone was seated, Lucas and Sam came in with the kids.

_Oh yes. The moment of truth._

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><p>Sam, from what I had already figured out as soon as I saw Lucas' face, had told his brother about Jace. Now, Lucas wasn't glaring like the others had done. No, he...stared. With eyes full of hatred and total disgust. But, at least it wasn't a glare.<p>

I know what you're thinking. _Don't just let him give Jace the death stare. Tell him what you told the others._ But I could care less. Well, I care...But I don't. Confusing, trust me. What I'm trying to get at is that Jace deserves it. He screwed up, and I swear that Lucas wants him to pay for it more than I do.

And yes, I know that we were both young, and it's hard to make the decision to keep or get rid of a baby. But...I gave up everything. He just gave up me. Worse than that...he didn't want our love child.

The past is the past though, so why linger in it.

My eyes saw my kids in Sam and Lucas' arms. _Correction_. Lilly and Melody were in their arms. The boys were running on the floor. Elliot exclaimed, "Momma-cakes!" I laughed. That's what the kids called my pancakes. No one else had a food named after them.

Simon had this huge grin on his face. "Momma-cakes mummy! I want-Momma who dat?" Who's-Oh. I saw that he was looking at Jace. Great.

For a second there, I blanked. What was I going to tell them? A friend, maybe? But what if they started calling him 'Uncle Jace'? That just sounded wrong. And they sure as heck wasn't going to find out that this was their father. Can you even imagine the questions they'd ask?

Magus saved my ass by saying, "Kids, this is a friend of mine. His name is Jace. Don't call him uncle Jace though. Your mom wouldn't like that." The kids turned to me. _Ah Angel above! _

Elliot cocks his head to the side, looks at me, and says, "Why momma?"

Before I could answer, Lucas said, "Because momma doesn't like him too much. He made a _baaad_ no-no a long time ago." Well...that was the truth at least.

Maddy stood up and said, "OK, enough now. Simon, Elliot, why don't we get you seated while Unky Lucas and Sam get your sisters." _Thank you Maddy..._

I fixed up the kids' plates and elbowed Jace in the stomach. I hiss, "Quit starring! So help me Jace..."

Magnus snickered and said, "She's defiantly got the mom voice." My family all smiled. At least they agreed with him.

Using my mom skills, I carried 4 plates to the kids. As they ate, the rest of us ate in silence. More like small talk. The kids on the other hand, asked Jace question after question. That surprised us all. More so me and Lucas.

And, because Jace' name was hard for them to say, they started calling him Ace.

After breakfast, Jace played with all the kids in the play room-stocked with toys, courtesy of Magnus. It's ironic really. The kids love him, and he seems truly happy. That's all I've ever wanted, and now...I have it. But not happiness.

The days began to pass slowly. But, with each passing, Jace and the kids seemed to become closer and closer. I'll never admit this to anyone, but my heart soared at this. My kids were finally having the chance to interact with their father.

Though, Jace and I didn't talk. When ever he'd come over, I'd find something else to do. Sure, sometimes I'd stay in the room with them, but there was never anything said between us.

Well, four days before the Trip's birthdays, we had a party planned. Because Magnus' was small, we were going to have it at the Institute. For some reason, when Jace heard about that, he smiled. The gleam in his eyes told me that he was planning something. The party was going to be big. The Lightwoods, the Mathews, and Magnus were all coming.

One morning, right after breakfast, I asked Alex to watch the kids for me so that I could get them gifts. He said that he didn't mind. So, as I was about to leave, Jace stops me and asks if he can go with me.

"Why?"

"Because I want to get them something. I am...I am their father. I would just go on my own...but I don't know what I'd get them."

Ever since I allowed Jace back into my life and into the lives of the kids, I've noticed that he acts differently. He's gentle and kind. And in those rare moments where we _have_ to speak to each other, he's hesitant. Like he'd really thinking about what he's saying.

I must admit, I hate and love that. Its' like he's finally grown up. Like he really regrets what he chose before and wants things to work out. But I hate that he's changed as well. Confusing, yes, but it's how I feel. In a way...I want the same Jace that I fell in love with before.

The kick-ass-and-take-name Jace. Who didn't give a damn what anyone said. My cocky, arrogant, back-talking Jace. _He's not yours Clary. Maybe before he was, but not now._

Anyways, as long as someone was going with me, I could do what I really wanted to do. And that was go back home and get somethings.

"OK Jace, you can come. But I gotta go some places after-wards, OK?"

He nods. "OK. I'm ready when you are."

I made a portal and we left.

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><p><em>Like? Hate? Please review!<em>

_10 reviews and I'll update soon_

_20 and I'll make sure it's up within a week!_

**_p.s.-_**_hank you all who's followed this story so far!_


	17. The Side Stop

_Heeey peoplez! Here's another chapter! I almost had those 20 reviews that I wanted and I gotta thank you all and say sorry for not updating...it was only like, 4 short._

_I know, you hate my update schedule, and I'm sorry. You know how life is...Now enjoy-hopefully!_

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><p><em>Previously...<em>

_"OK Jace, you can come. But I gotta go some places after-wards, OK?"_

_He nods. "OK. I'm ready when you are."_

_I made a portal and we left._

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><p>On the other side of the portal, I took a deep breath and sighed happily. <em>Fresh, clean mountain air.<em> I closed my eyes and tilted my face up towards the sun. So what if this is where a lot of my troubles had started. I loved the sun and the clean air.

I hear Jace's footsteps as he gets out of the portal, but I didn't open my eyes yet._ Just a bit longer...I don't want to give up this sun shine._

"Clary? Where exactly are we?"

_It was great while it lasted..._

"We're at the Institute. I want to get some things."

His eyes went wide, as if he hadn't heard me right. "This is where Sebastian attacked you and the kids! Why in the world would you want to return here?"

I glared at him. Yes, this was one of the times that I just wanted to punch him in the face.

"Because this is still me _home._ I want some of my things. After-wards, I'm going to buy the kids their gifts. The only reason you're here is because I know that with my luck, the moment I came here alone something would happen to me."

All true. Recently, my luck hasn't been too...good. Well, anyone could see that if they'd just take a glance at the past month or so of my life. Who would've thought that one little phone call would change every single thing I had came to know and love.

Instead of waiting for him to respond, I began my walk threw the little pathway to the Institute. If Jace wanted to argue, he could do it alone or with someone else because I didn't want to hear it.

Finally, as I neared the end of the path, I began to see my once home. This Institute was different from any other in one way. Not only had it once been a church. It had also been a training camp for Shadow hunters hundreds of years ago.

Wickedly cool, right? It was just perfect for me...Well, it was after I had had my kids, Adreona had Lilly, and everything had cooled down. Little did anyone outside of my family know that the training grounds were the reason I worked off all that baby fat.

Also, it made me stronger than almost all the guys. But that's another story.

Inside, I walked around slowly, taking in all that was damaged by the fire. In all truth, though, it wasn't too bad. All the rooms were just a little damaged from the smoke. Especially the hallway. It had burn marks everywhere.

Tears began to form in my eyes as I saw the ruined pictures on the walls. They were the only things I had to my name other than my kids. _Calm down Clary. You cannot cry! You have more pictures, remember? You made tons of copies and put them in the albums, remember?_

_The albums!_

I got up and ran to my room. As soon as I passed the door, I gasped and almost fell to my knees in total and utter shock. Deep down, I knew it would be bad...but I still wasn't prepared for this.

The walls were ruined beyond repair. My dressers were scorched. No longer were they a soft pink-white, but a dark, smoke color. The dark blue carpet was black and chard in places. My comforter on my bed was gone. Hell! There _was_ no bed left!

As quick as I could, I ran to my closet and moved the ashed that had been my clothes away from the spot on the floor where my secret mark hid. I patted down my pockets, looking for my stele. _My purse!_ As soon as it came out, I drew the matching rune that only worked for me onto the chard metal.

It glowed softly before the rune turned the same color as the kids' eyes and a secret handle appeared.

This was my secret hole that _no one _knew about. Sure, it was already here before I even had the room, but I had made the rune that I had used. Not another soul had any idea about the rune, or what was in my hole. And trust me, there was more in here then just my albums.

When my eyes saw all my little items safe and unharmed, I let out a weak laugh. _He can destroy my room, my home...But he can't destroy my family. My memories._ Someone coughed behind me and my head snapped back to see who was-Oh. Jace. I had forgotten that he was here.

He looked around the room. When our eyes met, he came over to me and got on one knee. Tentatively, he touched my cheek and said gently, "You OK Clary?" I should've moved away from his touch. I should've told him to mind his own business.

But I didn't.

In fact, I did something that I hadn't done in years.

I let him hold me and comfort me as I cried. I breathed in his scent and in that moment, that one life changing moment, I wanted to be with him again.

This man was my destruction and my salvation. The man I love from that first day onto my last. And even after that. He's hurt me so much though...Why can't I tell him to go away! Why can't I tell him to leave my life! There's no reason why I can't!

Other than the fact that I love him just as much as I hate him.

As he holds me, I cry into the crook of his neck. He rocks us gently back and forth, kissing my hair and telling me that everything's OK. And just for a second, I believe that they will be.

When I calm down, his callused hands wipe away my tears as he stares in my eyes and says, "Clary, what happened? I'm sorry that this place is burnt, but it can be fixed! All the paint and furniture can be redone. Please don't cry Clary."

My tears did stop, and I did eventually lean away from his touch. "Jace, i-it's fine. Everything just came back to be and I wasn't ready for it. Look, I wanna...Thanks for holding me. I just-" "Clary, it's OK. I get it. Plus, it was my pleasure." He gives me his signature cocky-ass smile.

I sigh and stand up. "What ever. We should get going now." He stands up too, and then we leave.

At the store, I wouldn't let Jace know what I bought, and he did the same with me. This isn't how I had saw the Trip's 2nd birthday going at _all._ But, as long as the kids are happy and safe, I don't care. I'll put my problems behind me and make sure that they have the best birthday in all of history.

Because really, what could go wrong at a party for 2 year old's when we have 2 families of Shadow-Hunters, the High Wizard of Brooklyn, and a mother who has angel wings?

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><p><em>Oh!<em> _What _could_ happen? Is anything going to? Haha! Only I know! :P_

_How was it? Short, I know, but I think it was pretty good._

_15 reviews=update soon_

_25 reviews=update either this or next Friday ;-)_

_~~Jess_


	18. VERY IMPORTANT AN!

Hey guys! So, I regret to inform you that I won't be able to update for a bit. You see, my email was hacked when I was on a trip and my laptop recieved a massive virus. That virus even attacked Internet Explorer! I'm on my moms laptop-which has a different program so I can't finish up 18. My uncle's also in the hospital and there's a good chance he's not gonna make it.

Now, if you want, I'll re-write all that I have for 18. Or I can wait until my laptop's fixed and post that. Which do you guys want? Either way, it'll be a bit before I post.

BUT I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY! IT WILL BE CONTINUED AND COMPLETED!

Also, I'll be deleting this when I update next :)

Thanks for understanding guys-hopefully XD


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